


Learning From Experience

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Bad Communication, Battle of the Department of Mysteries, Depression, Hogwarts, Horcruxes, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lie Low At Lupin's (Harry Potter), M/M, Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Pining, Potions master regulus black, Second War with Voldemort, Slow Burn, past relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-09-02 10:22:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16785034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's all really the same but different. We begin at Hogwarts during Harry Potter's third year. Remus is the DADA professor but Regulus Black is the Potions Master. What happens from there on is a bit like history repeating itself. Will Sirius, Remus, and Regulus go down a path that will save them all, save some, or save no one?"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience." George Bernard Shaw





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a post awhile ago about this and I forget the OP. My brain has been on this awhile so I'm actually going to start writing it. I will be adding to the tags as we go on so check them out.
> 
> There is canon divergence. If Regulus had survived then the world would look a bit different. Think butterfly effect, if one thing happens then these things happen. So, please remember that before reading and wanting to tell me that’s not how things went.
> 
> This is going to probably slowly updated. I’m currently working onsite fest and other WIPS.

“All right Neville, you just have to take your time and read everything through twice. Don’t get bogged down in the steps. Take it one at a time.” Remus heard Regulus’ calming voice as he entered Potions Master’s room. It made his stomach turn a bit.

They were now entering the third month of school and he still couldn’t get over the fact that he was working with his ex-boyfriend’s supposedly evil brother. September and October were rather mundane, er, well, outside of the fact Remus had to stop a Dementor on the train from trying to give Harry their dreaded kiss. That was the last way he wanted to see the boy for the first time in ages who was supposed to grow up calling him Uncle Remus. Seeing Harry twisted something in his chest that he long thought was dead. It killed him every day that the boy had no idea who he was. He had tea with him that day very day in fact. Remus wanted to tell him everything but just couldn’t.

On top of having to deal with the inner turmoil of teaching Lily and James’ son, he had to work with Regulus Black. The brother of his ex-boyfriend. The boyfriend who may or may not have murdered three of his best mates in cold blood. Remus was fairly sure that he didn’t. At the start of it all, he thought Sirius did. They had broken up because they both were accusing one another of being the spy. The more Remus thought about it rationally, the more it didn’t make any sense. The only thing was, he couldn’t be sure because how else could everything be explained? He just hoped someone could explain it all to him properly one day, even if Sirius had committed such a betrayal. It could possibly be Sirius seeing the man managed to escape Azkaban… if anyone could it would be Sirius.

“But sir, I do read it twice. I sometimes read it five times!” Neville sounded pained, Remus almost felt bad for interrupting but he needed his Wolfsbane. “Oh, hello Professor Lupin.”

“Hello Neville, how are you today?” Remus smiled, looking to see there were a few other students in the classroom getting help. It was a Sunday, so it was interesting to see. He didn’t even make himself available for more help on a Sunday.

“Huh, it’s time for you all to get going. If you need more help, come back tomorrow. My goodness, it’s the Halloween Feast tonight. You’ve spent far too much time studying today, enjoy yourselves.” Regulus said to the students.

“I’ll never get this.” Neville said, packing his things up. His face was long and his overall demeanor said that he was completely frustrated by his slumped shoulders and clenched jaw.

“Neville, I was complete pants at potions when I was your age.” Remus told the boy. He was another kid who had wished he could tell more about himself to. He was close to Frank and Alice, especially when they were in The Order together.

“Really? Did you get better?” He asked eagerly.

“Well, I improved but it was never my strongest suit. I got a lot of help from my friends and the professor at the time. Your professor seems to be more than willing to make sure you achieve, so keep putting in the work.”

Neville groaned and nodded before taking off. The poor kid.

“Professor Lupin,” Regulus greeted him as the last of the students exited the room.

“Professor Black,” The words still felt weird on Remus’ tongue. In the dark light of the dungeon, Regulus looked too much like Sirius. He was a bit shorter than his brother but the Black family’s features were so prominent. That bloody pureblood line and its inbreeding. After all these years, he still missed Sirius desperately. He still missed James, Lily, and Peter as well. It didn’t help that now he worked at Hogwarts and was reminded of them all each day.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize what time it was. I would have had things ready. I get so carried away with things.” So didn’t his brother.

“It’s fine.” Remus nodded as he followed Regulus into his office. The supplies were on the table awaiting them. It always baffled Remus that Regulus, who was a former Death Eater (or current if some people were correct) was making him a potion that could easily kill him if something even so small went wrong. Though, Remus had faced worse in his life and if he died, well, there wasn’t much for him on this earth. It was a miracle he was there anyhow.

“Excited for the Halloween Feast? I can tell you it’s just as good as it was when we were young lads.” Regulus smiled. Remus hated how nice he was but Regulus was always nice, even when Sirius was telling Remus that he wasn’t.

“Is that why you came back here the other year?” Remus joked. Regulus started teaching the year Harry started at Hogwarts. Remus thought that rather odd.

“The food was a big draw. I wouldn’t say it wasn’t.” Regulus began to make the potion, picking up some vial. Remus was still pants at potions.

Remus partly hated the Wolfsbane, it tasted horrible but it did make things a bit better. It didn’t solve all of his problems but it made him worry less about killing someone accidentally. Part of the draw of coming to Hogwarts was being able to get the Wolfsbane and have someone who was willing to make it for him. He was happy to work for Marlene and Dorcas at their shop in Coventry since he returned from his travels a few years back but it didn’t exactly pay a lot or have that extra luxury.

“Well, this bothers my stomach so I don’t think I’ll be eating much.” Remus frowned. It was not the first time his furry little problem put a damper on things. He had missed feasts and holidays and birthdays before due to it.

“Yes, it can do that. We could wait til afterwards for this.” Regulus stopped what he was doing.

“No, that’s mad. I’ll be fine.” He waved a hand.

Regulus gave him a concerned look that reminded him far too much of Sirius’ so he had to turn away. Remus occupied himself by looking at Regulus’ bookshelf. How was he going to survive any longer with this Black? He had no idea how to interact with Regulus. Everything was stilted and strange whenever he was near him. Remus knew that Reg still believed that Sirius was the murderer — or that was the front he was putting on at least. They hadn’t talked about it but he heard him talking with some of the other professors the other day. It made Remus wonder if Regulus had any doubts about Remus. He knew what their relationship was before.

The younger Black had caught them snogging when Remus was supposed to be on prefect duty and they ended up in the area Reg was patrolling. The look on Regulus’ face made Sirius laugh so hard that he almost knocked himself out on the stone wall behind him. Reg said he was going to report them but nothing ever happened. This was after Sirius had run away from the family, so he said that he hoped it got back to Walburga and Orion to give them both heart attacks. From what Remus understood, both Black parents had died so he hoped that they had that knowledge before their passing. Their son was snogging a bloke who was not only a mudblood but a dark creature. Not that Regulus knew that about the last part at the time of the events. Well, if he did he never said anything.

“All set, here you go, Lupin.” Regulus held out the goblet to him.

With one big gulp, Remus took the potion then burped. Purple smoke came out from his mouth. He put his hand on his stomach then told Regulus he would see him in a few at the feast. Remus went back to his room to make a cup of ginger tea for his stomach. When he did it would remind him of his mother would do so when he would be recovering from the full. He missed her since she was killed during the war. The relationship with his father was extremely strained and his health wasn’t doing well. Remus wished that he had some familial connection still but there was no one left. He was lucky enough to have Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, and Gid still around. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be without them — even if he had pushed them away for the longest time.

Down at the feast, Remus tried his best to enjoy himself but his mind was on the past, as it had been lately. For years, Remus was able to keep most of those thoughts at bay. He traveled the world, looking for a place to settle. Nothing ever felt right and whole but he didn’t dwell as much as he had been since stepping back on to the Hogwarts grounds. When he looked at the Gryffindor table, he couldn’t help but see four carefree boys scheming their next prank. When he would go down to visit Hagrid he remembered the time James nearly killed himself on the steps down the hill in the ice. When he would wander the halls in fits of insomnia he would look at each hallway and remember planning the map, hiding from Filch, or snogging Sirius. There was just so many memories, he was tempted to obliviate himself.

The feast ended and Remus went to go make his way back to his quarters. He was actually tired, and he hoped tonight he would get some sleep since he tended to want a lot as the moon approached. Except for tonight it didn’t look like he was going to get much sleep because he heard a commotion coming from the direction of Gryffindor. Remus groaned because for some reason, he knew it was going to have something to do with Harry. The boy, much like his father, had a knack for getting into the middle of trouble.

He headed that way, bumping into Minerva McGonagall. “Professor, what’s going on?”

“It’s,” She paused looking somewhat sad, “It’s Sirius Black, he’s gotten into the castle and tore the portrait of the Fat Lady to pieces.”

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. If Sirius was innocent why was he coming into the castle with a knife? Why was he trying to get into the tower, if not to kill Harry? “Really? It was him?”

“She said so herself, dear,” Minerva patted his arm. “We need to search the castle. Oh! Professor Black, why don’t you and Professor Lupin take the dungeons.” She gave Remus a look as if to say Remus knew enough about them. “That is if you’re up to it?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” Remus said. He wasn’t sure if Minerva was referring to Sirius being back to possibly kill Harry him or the upcoming full upsetting him.

“Come on, Lupin.” Regulus looked more annoyed than anything. Surely his supposed evil brother coming back to kill one of his students was more than annoying. Maybe they were working together?

Remus pondered that as they searched through the nooks and crannies of the dungeon. They never got on, Sirius and Regulus. They were different sides of the same coin. Sometimes Remus wondered if it even was the same coin. Sirius seemed to resent his little brother for being the one that their parents loved. Deep down, Remus knew that Sirius wanted to have a brotherly relationship as they had when they were little. Remus and Sirius had talked about it at length a few times. It was one reason Remus thought he might have turned, for Regulus.

“It’s daft, isn’t it?” Regulus said, making Remus realize that the man had bad been speaking to him as they walked down a hallway.

“Huh?”

“Sending two people together who have the most connection to Sirius to search for him? It makes no sense, doesn’t it?” Regulus complained. “It could be both of us, it could be one of us.”

“I’m hoping that it’s neither of us.” Remus said, not looking at Regulus as he checked behind a tapestry. Too bad he didn’t have the map, it would have been much easier.

“It’s not me, Lupin.”

“It’s not me either,” He looked the younger Black in the eyes now.

“I’m here to protect Harry.”

“Me too.”

“Then let’s be sure to do that.” Regulus stopped to turn into a classroom. “You get the one across the hall.”

Remus agreed before going into the classroom across the way. He gave it the once over but knew Sirius wouldn’t be in there so he stopped for a moment. Sirius Black wasn’t stupid, he also knew every single secret passage around the grounds of Hogwarts. Plus, he was probably running around as Padfoot. Sirius was long gone now to who knows where unless Azkaban made him daft. That didn’t seem likely. Whatever Sirius was up to, good or evil, he had twelve long years to scheme and plan. Whatever he was up to, Remus had to protect Harry like he never had a chance to do so before.


	2. Chapter 2

One night in late May, Remus was on a walk around the castle to try to relax. He hated this insomnia more than anything at the moment. His insomnia led him through the familiar halls and passageways of Hogwarts. The heartbreaking nostalgia he felt a the beginning of the year was now just a dull ache in the center of his chest. Sometimes he smiled fondly at the memories, sometimes he felt tears in his eyes but for the most part he was able to deal with those feelings. He had taken to sending letters to Gid, Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas about various things and that seemed to help him.

Life at Hogwarts had been fairly pleasant outside of a few incidents in the castle. For one, Sirius got back into the castle in February. It was reported that he was standing over Ron’s bed in the Gryffindor Tower with what Remus assumed was the same knife had attacked the portrait with. Remus couldn’t understand why he was over Ron’s bed. If he was there to kill Harry, he would have gone to Harry’s bed. He wouldn’t have wasted time and hung about the wrong bed. Remus couldn’t work out what was going on or why Sirius was doing these things. Maybe he was really mad. Maybe he wasn’t thinking straight and Azkaban had just drawn on his madness. Whatever it was, Remus didn’t know what to do or who to trust. He even kept any questions he wanted to ask Dumbledore to himself.

Remus had taken it upon himself to teach Harry the Patronus Charm. The boy had too many run-ins with the dementors that were around the castle grounds looking for Sirius. The daft things were never going to find Sirius because he was probably running around the woods as the damn dog. Really, Remus should have told someone the man was an animagus but it felt like it would have been betrayal for all the Marauders sacrificed for him. Anyway, Harry was having a hard time of with the dementors so Remus knew teaching him the Patronus would help him. It would also make him a stronger wizard in the long run. It took Harry a while to master, which Remus knew would happen but now he had that tool in his chest. Remus hoped he wouldn’t have to use it too much.

Since February, life had been quiet around Hogwarts. There were more protections put on mainly Harry, of course. Remus hadn’t seen any sign of Sirius. Regulus was keeping to his business. From what Remus could see, the younger Black was a brilliant teacher. He took time to help all of his students, even Neville seemed to be improving. It appeared like Draco was getting some much needed guidance from a decent relative. At least what Remus hoped was a decent relative. Draco wasn’t a completely terrible child for a Malfoy-Black. But Remus still couldn’t be 100% positive that 1. Regulus wasn’t helping Sirius or 2. If he wasn’t helping his brother then he couldn’t be sure that Regulus was not a spy for the Death Eaters and just doing a double cross. Remus spent many of his insomnia walks thinking this through.

At least Harry was doing all right. That’s what mattered. He had good mates and seemed somewhat level headed even if he tended to find himself in trouble, like his father. Remus was sure he had brushed past the invisibility cloak once or twice in the halls. Grade wise, Regulus was mentioned in passing Harry wasn’t the greatest at potions. Remus told him he was brilliant in DADA. The boy was the “Chosen One” but that didn’t mean he had to be perfect at everything. Regulus seemed like he wanted him to be perfect at potions but Harry had other pressing needs to worry about. Remus was happy the boy could even concentrate enough on his work with all the other things. Like how Sirius was apparently after him. Remus knew the feeling though, his wasn’t as overwhelming as Harry’s but he knew how to focus on his work when needed even when it felt like the world was falling down.

“Where did you get this Potter?”

Remus paused before turning the corner. He was surprised to hear anyone up at the moment. It was nearing midnight and well past curfew for the students. Did it surprise him that it was Harry getting in trouble for this? Of course not. Remus assumed Ron and Hermione were probably hanging about somewhere. “I found it.”

“This could be dangerous. It could be dark magic.”

At that, Remus revealed himself to both Harry and Regulus. He wanted to know what exactly Harry had gotten himself into. What on earth could be so dangerous and why was it keeping him out of bed so late? Remus hoped that Regulus was being overdramatic. “What’s going on here?”

Remus said, holding out his wand for light. Regulus was holding a piece of parchment. Remus knew what it was before even getting too close to it. He took a deep breath.

“Potter is wandering around the castle past his curfew, with this. Surely it’s dark magic, Professor Lupin. You should see to it.” Regulus handed him the parchment.

_Mister Prongs would like to tell Mister Moony the mustache does not suit him._

_Mister Wormtail would agree with Mister Prongs and add on that it ages him so._

_Mister Padfoot would like to send his regards to Mister Moony ’s fine arse._

Remus’ eyes went wide, staring at the Marauder’s Map. He was flooded with memories of late nights mapping the grounds of Hogwarts. He remembered how Sirius and James were so interested in the magic that made the map work. It was Sirius who had figured out of to do it. He was so bloody smart. Remus wished he could have seen what the man would have been like without the war. James as well.

Didn’t Regulus know about their nicknames? Surely he had heard them before. Regulus had to have known this map partly belonged to Remus. Filch had taken it from the Marauders in 7th Year. After all their hard work to put it together, it was taken away. Remus remembered how devastated James and Sirius were that night. Thankfully they got to conceal it before Filch laid his hands on the thing. If they got found out, surely they would have been in some trouble. Or they all would have been tapped to go work for some special agency in the Ministry, Remus thought it could go either way. The amount of magic and brain power it took was phenomenal.

“Yes, ah, this could definitely be dark magic.” He said confidently. He was a wonderful liar. That was always a strong suit. But Remus desperately wanted to conceal the map because his dead friends and possible psycho ex-boyfriend were talking to him via Map in front of Harry and Regulus. Map Sirius was apparently still trying to chat him up. It didn’t know how that their relationship had ended long ago.

“Professor McGonagall is going to have to hear about this, Potter.” Regulus reminded Harry.

“I’ll walk him back to Gryffindor Tower, Professor Black, I have to go that way anyhow.” Remus tucked the map under his arm.

“Yes, that’s fine. Harry, please be good.” Regulus sounded as if he was pleading with Harry.

“Yes, sir.”

“Come along, Harry.” Remus said in a tone that he would use when the young teen would visit his office for tea but Remus was angry. He knew that James Potter’s son would have no care of regard for the fact that someone might be trying to kill him. One of Remus’ scariest qualities, the rest of the Marauders insisted, was that he was able to remain calm and cool when he was angry and then by the time you knew he was mad, it was too late.

“Where did you get this map, Harry?”

“I found it.” Harry insisted.

Remus wondered if the boy knew how bad of a liar he was. First of all, Flitch wouldn’t leave the thing just hanging around the castle. Harry must have stolen it but how did he get to reveal it? He must have had some help… but from who? Maybe the map was able to reveal itself to Harry somehow?

“Harry, this could be dangerous. If this got into the wrong hands then people could be able to follow your every move. Sirius — Black would love to get his hands on this. Do you want him to find you?!”

“I’m sorry Professor.” Harry looked a little surprised at Remus’ anger.

Remus really wished that Harry would call him by his first name but Harry still didn’t fully understand who Remus was to him. Remus had revealed bits and pieces here and there but Harry did not have the full story. He doubted he could tell Harry the whole story anyhow. He mostly wanted to tell Harry about James and Lily, that was the priority at the moment. Their bond meant nothing because it was just a friendly professor/student. It wasn’t the uncle/nephew one he always wanted or dreamt about these years. Who knows, maybe one day.

“You can’t go walking around after dark when Sirius Black has been in your dorm! You certainly shouldn’t be in possession of this map. This needs to be kept safe.”

“I don’t think that map is always right.” Harry said as they got to the stairs.

Remus bit back, ‘the map is never wrong’. The map was never, ever wrong. Ever. “What do you mean?”

“I saw Peter Pettigrew on there. He’s supposed to be dead, isn’t he?” Harry said with a furrowed brow.

Remus’ ears started to ring. How could Peter be on the map? Peter was dead. The only part of Peter there was the Map Wormtail, just like James. Their map didn’t show ghosts or poltergeist or anything else like that. It didn’t show the dead. Peter was dead. As a doornail. They only found his finger at the scene after Sirius supposedly had killed him. That was the story at least. He stomach turned.

“Professor?”

“Harry, get up to your dorm.” Remus cleared his throat.

Harry looked at him curiously before doing as asked. Once Remus heard the portrait swing open, he took off for his room. He needed to look at the map to see if he could find Peter. Harry wouldn’t lie to him about that. He wasn’t lying about that, so what the bloody hell was going on?

Once in his room he opened the map up on his bed to its full size and searched it. Dumbledore was pacing in his office. A few seventh year Ravenclaws were out of bed in the common room. McGonagall, Flitwick, and every other staff member were in their rooms asleep expect for Regulus who was up pacing in his room. Darco Malfoy was awake in the Slytherin common room. Harry was in Gryffindor Tower in his dorm. Most of the students were sleeping. There were only students and staff on the map until he saw it.

The banner floated above the footprints going down towards the Dark Forest. Peter Pettigrew. He felt his blood run cold. Remus debated putting on his shoes and going after him but what good would it do? Wormtail was probably being Wormtail, he would never be able to find him. He just would have to make sure that Peter stayed out of the castle until Remus could make sense of this all. That didn’t seem like an easy task because he had been trying to do so for the past twelve years. Now though, he had Peter on The Map and Sirius out of Azkaban and both of them sneaking about the Hogwarts grounds. He hoped it would all come together soon. He needed to make it come together before he went to anyone else with it. One of his old friends needed protection and help. He couldn’t be sure which one yet. Though, he had a feeling it was Peter…

***

The next day Remus was in his office doing some grading after classes. His mind was still on the Map and Peter and Sirius and Harry. Peter had to have done it, he must have been the one to betray his friends. But Sirius was supposed to be the secret keeper. They must have switched it at the last minute because of the spy, that was the only thing that made sense. Little did the others know that Peter was the spy, he had to be the spy. Why else would he be running about like a fucking rat after twelve damn years?

Remus needed to find Peter then maybe kill him with his bare hand. Okay, that wasn’t the best plan. He needed to come up with a plan, preferably one that involved speaking to Sirius. Sirius had twelve years to think it over. His plan must have been better than strangle the rat’s fucking neck and then stomping—

“Lupin, do you have a moment?” Regulus broke his thoughts.

“Yes, Professor Black.”

Regulus scoffed, “Can’t you call me Regulus or even Black? Remus, it’s been nearly ten months. You knew me well before this. I saw you with your tongue down my brother’s throat for god sakes.”

Remus flushed, “I didn’t realize it bothered you.”

“It’s very formal and even though you were always kind, you were never so formal.”

He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes, “What can I do for you Regulus?”

“The map.” Regulus said simply.

“What about it?” Remus raised an eyebrow. He knew what he was going to ask but Remus was well practiced in avoidance and misdirection.

“It was you four that made it, it’s the Marauder’s Map. I mean, Sirius insulted me through the damn thing. I know that’s what you called one another and your nicknames…”

Remus sighed, “Yes, that’s true.” He thought of it sitting hidden in his room. He hoped that Regulus wouldn’t find it.

“That’s some magic.”

Remus just shrugged.

“So, what was Harry doing with it? Did you give it to him?”

“Absolutely not,” Remus set his quill down to focus his attention solely on Regulus. “If you must know, Filch took it from us when we were at the end of our Seventh Year. I never saw it again, not until last night.”

Regulus shook his head. “You lot were a lot smarter than I thought.”

“James and your brother were brilliant.”

“You were smart too, Lupin, don’t deny it. You just had to work for it a little more than those two. They were just naturally smart. But Peter, I don’t know.”

“He was a good friend.” Except, Remus was sure now he was the one who betrayed them all. If Remus could find him…

“Mmm,” Regulus nodded. “I was always a little envious of you all.”

“Really?”

“Just a bit. You seemed like such good mates. Sirius…” He looked down and shook his head before changing the subject. “What are you doing with the map?”

“I was going to give it to Dumbledore. I don’t want it to end up in the wrong hands.” He wasn’t, he was going to keep it until he figured this all out. Maybe when it was all taken care of he would pass it down to Harry.

Remus still couldn’t trust Regulus. He could be working with the Death Eaters. He could be in it for some personal gain. Whatever it was, Remus needed to keep the younger Black at arm’s length.

“Yes, that might be best.”

What Remus wouldn’t do for some proper guidance. He couldn’t exactly write Marlene and Dorcas about this all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the dialogue is right from The Prisoner of Azkaban.

Sirius sat against a tree in the Forbidden Forest. His back flush against the rough bark and his fingers digging into the cold soil, trying to ground himself in the feeling of the earth around him. He had been out of Azkaban for months but it didn’t mean he was free. He was far from it. In the time since his escape, he first found where Harry was living with those Muggles. He needed to know what Harry’s life was like these last twelve years. It didn’t look like anything good. The big headed Vernon Dursley and the infuriating Petunia Dursley must have kicked Harry out. It looked that way. Sirius wasn’t too sure but the boy had all his things and looked completely dejected. Sirius nearly turned into his human form but the Knight Bus came. Not that it would have done any good at that moment. Sirius had a plan. He needed to get to Peter.

Fudge had come into do an inspection over the summer. Sirius was dying to see the news in the outside world so he charmed the man to give him the copy of The Prophet that he had. Sirius was surprised he could still con and sweet talk his way into getting the things he wanted. He had read the paper thoroughly, enjoying the information that he was getting. He was always so social so Azkaban was really complete hell for him. Spending most of his time as Padfoot made things a little easier (and kept the dementors away) but it was not exactly a good time.

The paper was enjoyable until he came across the picture. The one that completely changed everything. At first he just thought it was a nice family picture of Molly, Arthur, and their brood. They had all grown so much since Sirius had last seen them. It made him think of Harry. It made him remember all the time that had passed. Except then he saw it. The rat, sitting on the youngest boy’s shoulder. Pettigrew. The traitorous rat bastard was a fucking family pet? He was at Hogwarts with the boy, who was at Hogwarts with Harry? Peter could have done god knows what to Harry. So, Sirius hatched his plan. He nearly drowned in his escape and it took him days to get his strength back to travel the rest of the way. But he needed to get Peter. He needed to make it right. The only way to do that was to kill Peter. It would bring balance back to the world.

For 12 years everyone went about their lives believing that Sirius Black’s deceit led to the murder of two of his best mates. They thought he killed Peter and all those Muggles. They thought he left Harry an orphan. Their opinions didn’t really matter much but there were a few people that he did care about thinking this way. One of them being Remus, who, to Sirius’ pleasant and somewhat horrified surprise was teaching at Hogwarts. Padfoot had smelt the Wolf during the full and he had smelt Remus when he was in the castle. He knew the smells well, they were seared into his olfactory. Sirius was torn for a moment between going to find Peter that first time and going to find Remus. Then he remembered Remus probably thought he was a murderer.

The weird thing was, Remus never told anyone Sirius was an animagus. He thought it would have come up in the trial but it never did. Then he thought they would have done more at Hogwarts to look out for a big black dog except nothing ever happened. There was some hope, somewhere that Remus may have thought that Sirius was innocent. Regulus probably didn’t. He was another one that Sirius was surprised was at Hogwarts but he didn’t want to waste much time on his Death Eater brother.

Just like most days, Sirius’ mind was on Peter. Getting his hands on the man and just being done with him and done with everything. If he had to, he’d go back to Azkaban or he’d just do himself in him after. All that mattered was Peter getting what he deserved for killing James and Lily. Sirius couldn’t comprehend how the man turned on them all. He was loved and cared for in the Marauders. Sirius never understood the betrayal and probably never would.

Something was going to happen tonight. He could feel, sense it in the air. Then again, that may have been just the fact it was a full moon. Sirius felt some strange pull in him every full. He would see it streaming through the barred windows of his cell and close his eyes. He’d turn into Padfoot and howl all night for Moony, who couldn’t hear him but he felt like the dog in him missed the wolf as much as Sirius missed Remus.

***

Nearly a month passed and Remus spent too much time staring at the map when he wasn’t teaching. Even when he was teaching Peter and Sirius were on his mind. The Map hadn’t shown either recently… not until the other day. It said Peter was in Hagrid’s hut but Remus couldn’t find him anywhere, he looked high and low. He was also interrupted by Hagrid so he couldn’t spend too much time poking around. He pretended he had come down to have a drink with the man but kept his eyes peeled the for Peter.

According to The Map, Peter was still there tonight. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were visiting too. Even though the full always felt off and strange, tonight, things felt worse. He and Sirius had always had a sense about these things. James thought they would have been amazing in Divination but Remus thought it was bullshite. No, Remus figured it was something to do with the Wolf. Maybe Sirius had it too because he was a canine. Remus wondered if Sirius was feeling it tonight.

As Remus sipped his tea, he thought about how he needed to get to Regulus’ soon for the Wolfsbane. That thought was quickly forgotten when he saw Harry, Ron, Hermione, and bloody Peter walking back towards the castle. Remus watched intently. He was going to have to do something about Peter tonight. Expect, it seemed Sirius had the same idea because suddenly Sirius’ name appeared. Remus stood up, watching where he was going. It looked like he, Ron, and Peter were headed towards the shack. So, that was where Remus went.

On his way, Remus was trying to decide what he was going to say and do. He was always one to think things out — even if they were thought out in the wrong way. Most of his decisions weren’t knee jerk but it felt like he was going to make one tonight. He felt like he was going to kill Peter tonight. If anyone deserved it, it was the man who betrayed his friends all those years ago.

Remus made his way to the Whomping Willow and into the tunnel. His sense of smell was heightened with the full and all around him he could smell his own blood. He could smell Sirius and the kids and fucking Peter. It made his stomach turn as he finally got to the Shack. Or maybe it was the moon or it could have been the anxiety and the mounting stress that he was feeling. In the Shack he searched the downstairs until he heard Hermione called out for him. The poor girl probably thought that Sirius was going to kill her and her mates. The man still had a flair for the dramatic, it seemed.

As he entered the room, Remus found an odd scene. Ron was on the floor with his leg open and bleeding. Hermione was by the door looking more frazzled than he had seen her. Harry was pointing his wand at Sirius on the floor where Crookshanks was on Sirius’ chest. Sirius looked to be a shell of his former self. His hair, which used to be silky and shoulder length was now past his elbows and all matted. He was skin and bones when he used to be healthy and muscular. His teeth were yellow and bared in pain. His once bright eyes were dark and sunken. It took Remus a moment to remember what he needed to do.

Obviously the kids had no idea what was happening. He easily disarmed Harry, who assumed still that Sirius had a hand in killing his parents. He needed to find Pettigrew to explain. “Where is he Sirius?”

Sirius didn’t move, he barely looked at Remus. Remus felt his heart breaking all over again. Maybe in a new way. “He was hiding this whole time because you switched at the last minute, didn’t you?”

Sirius nodded slightly.

“Professor, what’s going on?” Harry asked.

Remus sighed then walked over to Sirius and picked him up off the ground. He also could pick Sirius up but it was far too easy now. Immediately, Sirius’ arms went around him and Remus returned the embrace. He was far too skinny but they could fix that. They could fix the hair and the teeth and the smell and the clothes. But first, they needed to fix the Peter problem and Harry seemed a bit cross so they needed to fix that first.

As did Hermione, “I DON’T BELIEVE IT! YOU — YOU—”

“Hermione,” Remus tried calmly as she stood up and pointed at Remus.

“— You and him!”

“Hermione, calm down—”

“I didn’t tell anyone! I’ve been covering for you—”

“Hermione, listen to me please!” Remus shouted, losing his cool just a bit. This would have been far easier without the children involved. “I can explain—”

“I trusted you,” It was Harry’s turn now. “And all this time you’ve been his friend!”

“You’re wrong. I haven’t been Sirius’ friend all this time but I am now— again. I think” That was complicated, Remus took a deep breath. “Let me explain.”

“NO!” Hermione screamed. “Harry, don’t trust him, he’s been helping Black get into the castle, he wants you dead too — he’s a werewolf.”

Remus wanted to groan and he heard Sirius let out a sharp laugh. The Harry and Ron were stunned to silence though. “Not at all up to your usual standard, Hermione. Only one out of three, I’m afraid. I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle and I certainly don’t want Harry dead.” That was the last thing he wanted. All he had been trying to do was protect the boy. “But, I won’t deny I’m a werewolf.”

This of course turned into a whole thing. Remus wished he could move right along but he knew the kids would be stuck on him being a werewolf. He needed to get through to them but it was beginning to seem like that was going to be impossible.

Eventually, after returning their wands, Remus got the kids to pay attention to what he was saying. He explained that he wasn’t helping Sirius this whole time. He explained The Marauder’s Map and how he saw this whole situation was happening. He left out the fact he’d been suspecting this for months now. Then he got to Peter. Sirius sat by and actually let him talk. That was different. But Sirius was different. Who knows what Azkaban did to him. Normally Remus was the one sitting back.

Remus moved close to Ron, looking intently at Wormtail. He was sure the bastard was panicking inside.

“What? What’s my rat got to do with anything?”

“That’s not a rat,” Sirius said suddenly with a sharpness to his voice.

“What’d you mean — of course he’s a rat—”

“No, he’s not,” Remus said quietly. “He’s a wizard.”

“An animagus,” Sirius supplied. “By the name of Peter Pettigrew.”

Harry, Ron, and Hermione thought they were mad. It didn’t help when Sirius lunged for the rat. Remus had to snap at him that they had to explain first. He grabbed Sirius and it was easy to hold him back from Peter. They needed to be more level headed.

“We can explain after.” Sirius growled. Crookshanks was hissing.

“They have the right to know, Sirius. Ron’s kept him as a pet. I don’t even know the whole story. Plus, you owe Harry the truth. We owe Harry the truth.” Remus knew that would get to Sirius. There was a month where Sirius couldn’t wrap his head around why Lily and James would have a baby. Then he changed his mind for one reason or another and he was obsessed with Harry even before he was born. He would have done anything for him.

Sirius stopped struggling, “All right, then, tell them whatever you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for…”

Remus fought the urge to roll his eyes, though he couldn’t blame Sirius. He felt the same way. But Remus managed to get on with the story. He explained everything from his bite to his mates turning into Animagus. Sirius kept making impatient remarks but let him continue the story. Just as he finished explaining how he had spent the year thinking about telling Dumbledore about Sirius being an animagus, Regulus spoke.

“I knew it,” Regulus was pointing his wand between his brother and Remus.

Sirius huffed a breath. “Hello, brother dear.”

In a snap, Remus disengaged Regulus and handed Sirius the wand. Regulus stood there in shock for a moment. “Regulus, you know nothing,” Remus gripped his wand tighter. “I can explain.”

“God, Remus, we’ve done enough explaining tonight!” Sirius snapped.

“Well, Sirius, not everyone is as bloody quick as you’d like.”

“Merlin—”

“Bickering like an old married couple still, I see.” Regulus shook his head. “What’s happening? Why would I believe you?”

“Professor Black,” Harry said then Sirius laughed. “I think we should listen to them. I mean, I don’t fully trust them but…”

“Harry, he killed your parents.”

“I’d never hurt James or Lily, you moron!” Sirius gritted his teeth. “If I wanted to kill Harry I would have already! I see that you’re still not thinking everything through properly.”

Regulus looked at the kids then at Remus and Sirius. His mind was turning over the information he did have, Remus was sure. Regulus was smart, just like his brother. Sirius always seemed to think his mind was superior but Remus wondered how true that was sometimes.

“What’s going on?” He asked but looked skeptical.

“Ron’s rat is Peter Pettigrew.”

Remus explained that Peter was the rat for Regulus. Sirius explained how he found out about Peter/Scabbers as well, which amazed Remus but it didn’t surprise him. He told them all about the day Peter framed Sirius. Remus hated that Sirius got himself into that situation, he flew off the handle and went after his impulses. Remus looked around the room and the other still seemed unsure.

“There’s only one way to know for sure. Ron, give me the rat. We’ll force him to show himself. If he really is a rat then he won’t get hurt.”

Finally, Ron let Remus take Wormtail from him. “Ready, Sirius?” He said, looking to his old partner. He couldn’t believe this was all happening but he’d have to process it all later.

“Together?” Sirius asked softly.

“I think so,” Remus held the rat up in one hand and his wand in the other then counted to three. A few seconds later an older, balder, skinnier Peter Pettigrew was in front of them. “Well, hello Peter, long time no see.” He said calmly.

“S-sirius… R—Remus…My old… my old friends!”

Next to him, Sirius’ wand rose. Remus grabbed his wrist and gave him a warning look. A look that Remus used to give him all the time. “We’ve been having a little chat, Peter, about what happened the night Lily and James died. You might have missed the finer points while you were squeaking around there.”

“Remus, you don’t believe him, do you? He tried to kill me Remus…”

“So we’ve heard.” Remus said through gritted teeth. Peter killed his friends. Peter was the reason Remus and Sirius stopped trusting one another. Peter was the reason that Harry had no idea about his family.

Peter said that Sirius was going to try and kill him, he begged for Remus to help but Remus felt nothing but hatred for him.

“No one’s going to try and kill you until we’ve sorted a few things out.”

Peter said that he knew Sirius would come after him, which made no sense. Sirius retorted that Peter was scared of Voldemort’s followers, not Sirius coming after him. Peter couldn’t talk his way out of this because Sirius was telling the truth. The others seemed to believe him especially after Peter started pleading with Sirius and Remus.

“Remus… you don’t believe this. He would have told you if they’d changed the plan.”

Remus shook his head. Their relationship was torn to pieces by the point. “Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter.” They never said it to one another. He just fought about everything else they could fight about. They pushed each other away but they both knew the reasons. “I assume that’s why you didn’t tell me, Sirius?”

“Forgive me, Remus.” Sirius said, eyes pleading.

“Not at all, Padfoot, old friend and will you, in turn, forgive me for believing you were the spy?”

“Of course.” Sirius said then a grin grew across his face. “Shall we kill him together?”

“Yes, I think so,” Remus said grimly. He should have said no. He shouldn’t have been so easy to agree to do this.

Sirius and Peter had a bit of back and forth. Remus had seen Sirius angry before but he had never seen him like this. What twelve years of waiting must have done…

“You don’t understand! He would have killed me, Sirius!”

“THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED! DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!”

“You should have realized,” Remus maintained his even tone, “If Voldemort didn’t kill you, we would. Goodbye, Peter.”

But, just as they were about to kill him, Harry spoke up. Sirius tried to convince him this was the only way but Harry pleaded. He also said something that he knew would change both of their minds, “I don’t reckon my dad would’ve wanted his best friends to become killers.”

Remus and Sirius stared at one another. They used to be able to look at each other and just know what was happening, for the most part, in each other’s heads. They had silent conversations in crowded rooms with just a few pointed looks. Now, they had one again. Harry was right, they both knew it and together they lowered their wands.

“Thank god you two came to your senses. This isn’t a way to go about things.” Regulus finally spoke up. “We have to get him to Dumbledore. They can take him to Azkaban. I’m sure they’ll free you immediately, Sirius.”

“You actually believe it?” Sirius sneered, still keeping his eyes and wand on Peter.

“I knew you loved James — like a brother.”

“Ah, Sirius, Regulus, we need to get going.” Remus said, feeling the pull of the moon, remembering what night it was suddenly. With everything that happened, he just forgot.

If he could just get them out past the willow… “I’ll take Peter with Regulus. Sirius, Harry, why don’t you help Ron?” He needed to get them all to safety before Moonrise. He never took his Wolfsbane.

Regulus and Sirius must have forgotten about the moon as well because they said nothing. Sirius looked happy so Remus didn’t want to worry him. So, he pressed on. As they got out of the tunnel, he had just enough time to have Sirius take over and show Hermione a way to get Ron back safely. At least he thought.

As they paused, Remus looked up and there was the moon. He didn’t remember anything after that. He woke up in the Forbidden Forest with a dog bite on his abdomen.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius should have remembered it was the night of the full but he got so swept up in everything it jarred him when he realized Remus was changing. Sirius changed into Padfoot and tired to get Moony to listen. It seemed like the wolf remembered him for a moment then he was angry. Maybe the wolf was mad he was alone for all that time. They fought and Sirius got injured. The last thing Sirius remembered was Harry finding him by the lake. It all got fuzzy after that. He couldn’t be too sure what happened but he swore he had seen James.

When he came to, he was in Hogwarts’ hospital wing. At least it wasn’t his cell or on a boat back to Azkaban, he thought. That was a step up. Ron was in the bed next to him, Harry and Hermione were talking to Dumbledore and Regulus. Sirius stood up quickly from his bed then fell right back down to the ground. He was so bloody weak. “Ah, Mister Black.” Dumbledore said pleasantly. “I see that you’re awake.”

“Where do you think you’re going?” Poppy Pomfrey's voice came from his right as he tried to get up again. His arms and legs were failing him at the moment so he wasn’t going anywhere it seemed. Maybe the adrenaline he had been running on had finally found its end. “Still causing trouble, I see and hear.”

“Moony, he’s out there…”

“He’s survived plenty of moons without you.” Regulus said as Poppy helped Sirius sit on the bed. “It has been 12 years and this the only the first year he’s had wolfsbane.”

Sirius bit his cheek because Regulus was right. Remus had been on his own for years. He’d been alone during moons and it was because of Sirius. He should have trusted Remus then but he trusted Peter and look where he ended up. In all his years in Azkaban, Sirius bounced between a few different thoughts. One of the main ones was how much he had hurt Remus and what Remus was doing while Sirius rot away in his cell.

From what Sirius understood and glimpsed, Remus appeared to be okay. He was still skinny and wearing worn out clothes but he looked healthy — even though it was the full. He did have greying hair, but that was probably a wolf thing. But his eyes were still big and hazel. His nose was still a little bit big. His cheeks were covered in freckles and scars. He was still beautiful and calm and smart. Sirius was so happy for Remus being a professor, there was no better job than that for him. But Sirius did wonder what he did before that because, as Sirius found out on their walk back, it was Remus’ first year. What had he done for the eleven previous?

“I’m also unsure what you’d do to help him, Sirius.” Dumbledore said curiously.

Sirius cast his eyes down. He had kept his secret for this long he didn’t need to get himself into more trouble now. He hoped his brother would keep his mouth shut.

“I’ve been informed of what has happened, Sirius.” Dumbledore changed the subject. “This is a grave mistake and I apologize for not believing you.”

“What’s going to happen now, then? Am I to go back to Azkaban?” Sirius’ stomach felt as if there were a rock in it. He couldn’t go back there. He was lucky to make it out alive once.

“We’ve talked about what to do next, Sirius, and you see, there’s a bit of a problem.”

“What’s the problem!?” Harry said and Sirius’ eyes widened. He sounded so much like James. He looked too much like James. It made his heart hurt.

“You see, since Pettigrew got away there’s nothing to go on. It’s all hearsay.”

“Nothing to go on?” Hermione said. Sirius liked her, she was sharp. From what Sirius saw in the shack, Remus thought of her highly as well.

“They won’t believe three children.”

“What about Professor Black or Professor Lupin?” Ron asked. Sirius felt a bit bad for nearly taking the kid’s leg off but he was in good hands with Poppy. She had fixed Remus up plenty of times before.

“Well, I’m—”

“A Death Eater and my brother so they’d never believe him.” Sirius glared at Regulus.

“Sirius, you don’t know everything. Clearly.” Regulus waved a hand, recalling the words that were said in the Shack earlier.

“And Remus is a werewolf and they’d die before they believed a so-called dark creature. Plus, he used to be — be my um, best mate.” Sirius informed the children. “So, when are they taking me back?”

Dumbledore and Regulus looked at one another then Dumbledore cleared his throat, “I believe there’s a Hippogriff hiding at the top of the clock tower. I also believe there are two women in Coventry waiting for your arrival. From there, we’ll see what I can do.”

Sirius furrowed his brow, “So, I’m on the run.”

Neither man said anything as if it would make them more complicit than they already were. Sirius still didn’t trust his brother. He was a Death Eater. He worked for the other side. How could he possibly be trusted by Dumbledore? At the time, what other option did Sirius have?

“He’s innocent though, how can you let this happen?” Harry asked, sounding completely hurt. He finally had someone from his past and they were being ripped away. Sirius could understand, he was feeling the exact way.

“It’s okay, Harry.” Sirius insisted. “Just knowing that you believe I’m innocent is enough.”

Granted, he’d love to be a completely free man but this would do. The most important people to him believed that he was innocent. Harry understood that his godfather loved him and wanted to protect him. Remus knew now, without any doubt that Sirius was not the spy and the person who led to Lily and James’ death. Even knowing that Dumbledore and Regulus believed him made him feel good even if he didn’t care too much for either man for different reasons. “Who lives in Coventry?”

“Miss Meadows and Miss McKinnon.” Dumbledore informed him. “It’s just a bit outside the city. It’s a Muggle area. They run an apothecary of sorts. Remus used to work there, actually.”

“They’re not going to kill me on sight if I show my face?” Sirius used to be good mates with both of the women. They were Lily’s closest friends, along with Alice Longbottom. They were practically Marauders themselves. He had no doubt their opinion for him had soured since Lily and James’ murder.

“No, I’ve informed them of your imminent arrival. I’ve explained, briefly what has occurred and they’re still very loyal.”

Sirius didn’t want to leave now. He had a lot to do to get to know Harry. He wanted to spend time with and get to know what his life was like now. He wanted to spoil him like he never had the chance. He wanted to give Harry a happy life. Sirius wanted to spend time with Remus and try to mend their shattered relationship — hell, even just their broken friendship. He would give anything for that. He had to go, hopefully Dumbledore had a plan. If he didn’t, Sirius would have to make one himself. A better one than he had to kill Peter because that blew up in his face, er, twice now. He wondered what Remus had to say on it all.

“The sooner you leave, Sirius, I think, the better.” Regulus insisted.

“Pushing me out already?” Sirius raised an eyebrow at his little traitorous brother.

“No, I’m just concerned about people seeing you when it gets lighter.”

“You can’t — why can’t he stay here?” Harry said, coming to sit on the edge of the bed next to Sirius.

“It’s too dangerous, Harry.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Sirius spoke calmly to the boy. Earlier, he had told Harry he could live with him after this all settled down. He needed a proper family and Sirius wanted to give him that. “We’ll write and stay in touch, Harry. I’ll be sure to write, no matter where I am or what I’m doing. It won’t be long until I’m back here. I’ll come back.” Sirius didn’t know that last part for sure. He could only hope. He had to have hope, that’s what kept him going all these years.

***

Remus made it into the castle, wearing two sacks he had transfigured into trousers and a shirt. He went straight to the infirmary. The wound on his stomach needed more than he could do himself, Poppy would be able to mend him quickly. Padfoot's bloody sharp teen. He also hoped the rest of the group from the night before would be there as well. He had no idea what happened.

“Ah, Mister Lupin, the state of you. Between you and Black, I’m having flashbacks to your days here as a student.” Poppy said, putting her hands on her hips.

“I couldn’t do it myself.” Remus collapsed on the bed on the far end of the wing. Ron was in a bed, fast asleep down at the other. “What do you mean, between me and Sirius? He was here?”

“He had a nasty run-in with those terrible dementors.” She scoffed, pulling back Remus’ transfigured shirt to look at the wound. “He’s gone now.”

“Where?” Remus furrowed his brow, anxiety well in his chest. “What’s happened?”

She sighed, “I’m not supposed to know anything—”

“We know you know everything, Poppy.” Madam Pomfrey was the first person to insinuate that he and Sirius were together. She also shared a few bits of gossip with Remus whenever he was recovering.

“Pettigrew got away, by the way I always knew it was him. Well, I suspected. Sirius was too loyal.” She shook her head then waved her wand and a trolley with various bottles and wrappings made its way towards them.

“I wish I always knew too.”

“I’m sure you did but all the evidence… well, Peter’s gone.”

“Because of me.”

“Remus, stop that, blaming yourself.”

Remus bit his lip. It was true, though. If it weren’t for his furry little problem then this wouldn’t be an issue. “So, he got away, Sirius is back in Azkaban?”

“No, actually. It seems as if Regulus and Dumbledore have aided in getting Sirius free.” She spoke quietly. “He’s at Marlene and Dorcas’ place.”

“They’re no forcing for a new investigation or trial or anything?” Remus asked as Poppy got to work on his wound.

“As of this moment, no.”

Remus clenched his jaw. “He’s not going to be able to stay there forever.”

“No, I don’t think so.” Poppy shook her head. “But it sounded like they were working on some ideas.”

“I do hope so.” Remus couldn’t bear the thought of Sirius being sent back to Azkaban. There was so much he wanted to talk about with him. There was so much they had to fight about, really. He needed to go see Sirius in Marlene and Dorcas’ but the term wasn’t ending yet. He had over a week left.

After Poppy finished fixing him up, Remus made his way back to his office. He left the map open and on his desk, so he needed to tuck that away before he did anything else. Thankfully, it was still early so the castle was still quiet. He wasn’t feeling very thankful when he got to his door. Hanging on the door, put up with some super sticking charm it seemed because it wasn’t coming off, was a note in red ink: Professor Lupin is a Werewolf. He closed his eyes. There went his time at Hogwarts. He loved teaching and now it was over. Whoever it was, was going to be telling their parents, even if they remained anonymous.

It looked as if it were time to go back to working at Marlene and Dorcas’ shop and living in his parents’ old place. This wasn’t the first time he lost a job, or even a teaching job, because of his problem. He was shocked the students didn’t figure it out sooner. His book included a section on werewolves, not that he covered it. But he was always “taken ill” right around the full moon. Hermione couldn’t have been the only sharp one. It wouldn’t surprise him if it were Draco or one of the Slytherins.

Remus needed to see Sirius anyway. He would just go back to work for Marls and Dorcas. Or maybe he’d just go on the run with Sirius.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius landed in Marlene and Dorcas’ back garden just before sunrise. He had been tempted to find Remus in the woods beforehand but he didn’t have much energy left in him. It was lucky he made it to Coventry. He wondered if Moony would be visiting him at Marlene and Dorcas’. Sirius had so much to say to him. So much that he wasn’t exactly sure where to start or exactly how to articulate it. Maybe it was a good thing he had some time before he saw him again. Term didn’t end for another week.

“God, Black, you look like shite.” Marlene with cropped curly blonde hair and blue eyes was standing on the patio of her sweet little home with her hands on her hips. She looked as if she had barely aged in the last twelve years, unlike Remus who looked so tired and somewhat broken. “Come on, come in and I’ll take care of Buckbeak.”

“You know his name?”

She nodded, “Yeah, Dumbledore informed Dori and me. She’s in the kitchen making you tea and some proper food, by the way. You’re skin and bones.”

Sirius patted the Hippogriff then moved closer to his old friend. He and Marlene were kindred spirits in their day at Hogwarts. Both rebellious, both gay, and both pining away for their best mates for some time. She ended up with the better end of things it appeared. Sirius felt a pang of jealousy in his gut. “You look fantastic, Marls.”

“I know,” She laughed. “I’m happy it wasn’t you, Sirius.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe that at first.”

Sirius shrugged, like Harry and Remus, he couldn’t blame her for feeling this way. Peter did an excellent job at making everyone believe in his plot. “Don’t worry about it, Marlene. I’m here now so, so let’s get on with it.”

“Go in, Dorcas will be thrilled.”

Sirius listened and went into the house. It appeared more Muggle than Magic. Dorcas was Muggle Born and Marlene’s mum was Muggle. Sirius wondered if they took a step back from magic after the war. He would have if he weren’t wasting away in Azkaban. Sirius thought many times what his life would have been like if he was free. He fantasized that he and Remus were still together and ended up finding happiness after being so miserable.

“Sirius,” Dorcas smiled, her dark brown hair was tied up and out of her round face. Behind the smile was the same sadness that he had seen in Remus’ eyes, and in Marlene’s as well, when she looked at him. He wasn’t the same Sirius Black he used to be. He was something completely different now.

“Dorcas, I missed you.”

“Oh, I’m so happy to hear it wasn’t you. But fucking Peter, fucking hell. Mary’s going to be livid. Whatever did she see in that bastard?”

Sirius shrugged as Dorcas hugged him.

“You need food. Marls will want to do your hair, I’m sure. A proper soak will do you wonders too. I think I can find some spells for your teeth. I assume you’ve been Padfoot lately, how are the fleas? We can do something about that.”

“Dorcas, calm down, you’re going to overwhelm him.” Marlene came into the kitchen and pulled a chair out at the table then nudged Sirius towards it.

He was fairly overwhelmed. The last twelve hours had been a lot. Sirius wanted to sleep but he feared what his nightmares would be. He didn’t want to wake Marlene and Dorcas up with either screams or howls. He hadn’t slept in his human form for years. Everything was safer as Padfoot. Now, he was meant to be a person again. That didn’t seem possible.

“Merlin’s beard, I still can’t believe you’re sitting there.” Dorcas sighed, setting a plate in front of him. It was full of bacon, eggs, and toast. Sirius had anything like this for years. He knew if he didn’t eat it slowly, he’d be ill but it smelt so heavenly.

“I can’t believe I’m here,” Sirius said before picking up the bacon. He took a hesitant bite of the salty flavorful piece.

“We only got a brief overview of Peter… Dumbledore said Remus was there until…”

“Until his changed into Moony, yeah.” Sirius took a bigger bite. It was like heaven. “He’s probably kicking himself right now because Peter got away. I hope he’s okay. What did he do these last twelve years? Well, eleven because he’s been getting wolfsbane since going to work at Hogwarts, right?”

Dorcas nodded, “He didn’t come back until about a year or two ago. When he got here, he would go to the Ministry’s changing cages.”

Sirius cringed at the term. Remus didn’t belong in a cage, neither did Moony. “If wolfsbane works then why don’t they just give it to the werewolves?”

“Because politics are still shite towards dark creatures, Sirius. Nothing much has changed there since you’ve been away.” Marlene rolled her eyes.

“Right, of course, how silly of me.” He scoffed. “So, before he came back…”

“We’ve no idea. We asked but he was always vague. I assume he was with some packs maybe or just went far out in the forest. Don’t know.” Dorcas informed him. “How did you… how are you not…”

“Mad?” Sirius laughed, picking up a fork to go for the eggs. “I lived as Padfoot as much as I could. I tried to get my hands on things to read from visitors. I held on hope that Peter would be found out one day. When I was in my human form my thoughts were mostly on the fact that I was innocent. When I was Padfoot I let myself feel good.”

“Are you missing memories?”

Sirius felt like he was but he wasn’t sure what. He thought of one in the tunnel the night before. He remembered he couldn’t remember his and Remus’ first kiss. He knew they kissed but he couldn’t remember that first one. Sirius was sure there were many more. He didn’t escape completely free. He was never going to be free of the cold, empty, despairing feeling that Azkaban had. He wasn’t going to forget living his worst nightmares out in his head over and over. But, he knew he was far better off than some of the other guests there like his batshit crazy cousin Bellatrix.

After eating, as slow as Sirius could bare because he didn’t want to get sick, Marlene and Dorcas went to work on his hair and teeth. Marlene cut his hair up past his shoulders as Dorcas went about to look for something to do with his teeth.

“Are you going to have to shave it?” Sirius asked Marls, who was trying a new spell to get out the mats. It apparently worked well on animals.

“No, Sirius, I think this is going to work.” She said happily.

“You know the last time I shaved it, right?” Sirius asked her.

“When you ran away from your family, I know.”

“I said I shaved it but mother dear had hexed it off.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t get to the point where we have to get rid of it all. You always had the third best hair when we were at Hogwarts.”

“Third?” Sirius laughed, he couldn’t remember the last time he laughed really.

“Me then Lily then you.”

“Honestly, you can’t put yourself first.” Remus’ voice startled him so much he nearly jumped off his chair.

“Remus Lupin, what are you doing here? You have exams to give and grade, don’t you?” Marlene lectured.

Sirius smiled when he came into view. His kind eyes lighting up as he looked at Sirius but there was also something else there that he couldn’t figure out. Confusion? Grief? Something else entirely? Sirius wasn’t sure and he knew Remus wouldn’t tell him.

“Well, someone figured out I’m a werewolf. Posted it on my door and I found a few more in the halls. I went to Dumbledore and I resigned because god knows what will happen next. Well, I do know. The parents will get word and there will be a million letters demanding I resign. Better go out on my own doing.”

“Oh, Remus,” Sirius shook his head. “Ron was saying how you’re the best DADA professor they’ve had. It was always your dream to teach.”

“I know but, what am I going to do? It’s not the first time something like this has happened. Won’t be the last, I’m sure.” Remus bit his lip. Sirius’ heart ached. Remus had so much to offer but he was held back because of these insane prejudices. He also held himself back because he didn’t think he deserved certain things. “Thanks for the bite, have I haven’t had a Padfoot scar in a while.” Remus rested a hand on his stomach.

“Sorry, I had to. I knew you’d hate it if Moony mauled the children.”

“It’s fine. You did what you had to. I didn’t hurt you did I?” Remus shuffled his feet.

“No, no, just fine.” Sirius shrugged. He was feeling rather sore but it was from a multitude of things.

“What are you all up to?” Remus put on a very light tone.

“Giving Sirius the makeover I’ve always dreamed of.” Marlene said behind him then muttered the spell she was using again.

“Your hair already looks better. You look tired, though. You should get some sleep.” Remus informed him as if Remus wasn’t standing there about to fall over from the moon.

“Take a nap, Moony. I know you’re exhausted as well.” Sirius smiled.

“I…”

“I’m not leaving just yet. I won’t let that happen before we’re able to have a proper conversation.”

Remus hesitated for a moment before nodding.

“You know where the guest room is.” Marlene spoke before Remus left the room completely. After the door closed down the hall Marlene asked softly, “Do you still love him?”

“It’s complicated.” Complicated was probably an understatement. The both had accused one another of being the spy even though they were supposed to trust each other until the end. Not that they ever really talked about it but Sirius knew how Remus felt and he knew how he felt himself. They were supposed to get one another. They swore no matter what they would have each other’s backs. Then it all fell apart.

The strange thing was, they didn’t even fight about it. It was just floating there in the background. They fought about everything but being the spy. One day, Sirius came home and all of Remus’ things were gone. From that day, right until last night, Sirius didn’t speak to Remus.

“I hope you uncomplicate things.”

Sirius did too but there were far too many things he needed to work on uncomplicating. He just hoped until they could manage to figure it out between them that Remus stayed his friend.

***

Remus woke up from his nap with a start. He was still sore and still sick to his stomach but his disturbing dream woke him. It was one he used to have, of James and Lily dying and Sirius laughing. Except now, it was no longer Sirius who was laughing but Peter. Sirius was there, looking as broken as he did now. He was a different man who Remus could hardly recognize.

Not wanting to dwell on the dream, and needing something to quell the nausea in his stomach, he went out into the kitchen. The bathroom door was closed as he passed it. In the living room, Marlene and Dorcas were sitting close and talking in hushed tones. They both looked up quickly when they heard him come into the room. “Need some tea?”

“Please,” Remus nodded.

“He’s in the bath now. I told him to have a nice soak. I sorted his hair and Dorcas got his teeth. He looks — he looks terrible but better. He looks more human now. We need to get some meat on his bones next. You too.”

“You sound like my mam.” Remus laughed as Marlene got up to go to the kitchen.

“I try.” Marls said as Remus sat on the sofa.

“You doing okay? You lost your job and the former boyfriend who you thought killed your best mates is not a traitor and on the run.”

“I didn’t lose the job, I left. Though, I would have lost it because the parents would revolt eventually.” Remus shook his head. “It was good while it lasted.”

“Ugh, Moony, I wish that we could start our own Wizarding School with no prejudices.” Marlene came back in carrying a mug of steaming tea.

“I know.” Remus hoped he would live to see the day where he could teach wherever he wanted but that felt extremely doubtful. That was also the last of his worries at the moment. “I don’t know what to do or how to feel about Sirius.” He spoke quietly.

“Do you want us to leave to give you both some space to chat?”

“No, that’s daft.” Remus took the offered mug.

“We’ll just go to the shops, get something for dinner.”

Remus wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he was alone with Sirius. He didn’t know what he wanted to say or how he would say it. He wished that it could all be taken care of over a glass of Firewhisky but it probably needed intensive therapy. The more he thought of about the more he thought that their relationship, romantic or otherwise, was far too tarnished to salvage. There was just so much damage that was done.

Eventually, Sirius came out of the bath and Dorcas insisted it was his turn to have a kip in the guest room. He didn’t seem very interested, Remus couldn’t blame him. Remus was sure that Sirius was having some terrible nightmares. He had only heard of the horrors about Azkaban, he couldn’t think of what it would be like to live in for twelve horrifying years.

When Dorcas and Marls left for the shops, Remus sat and stared at the telly that was shut off. He took a few deep breaths then stood up, his joints cracking and popping as they did more than usual following a full. Remus made his way down the hallway to the guest room and knocked hesitantly. He didn’t hear anything but he opened the door slowly and peeked in.

On the bed was Padfoot curled up in a ball as small as he could get. He looked up at him with sad eyes, his head resting on his paws. Remus entered the room and Padfoot closed his eyes. Remus crawled into bed, avoiding the animagus form. He rested so his back was against the wall and hesitantly he rested a hand in Padfoot’s wiry hair. Remus missed the dog — even the dog smell oddly enough.

“Marlene and Dorcas went out to the shops to get something for tea tonight.” Remus said, not sure if Pads was sleeping or not. “I don’t know if you want to be alone or not.”

A moment later Padfoot was no longer in his dog form but his human one. Sirius turned over on his side to look at Remus. Remus removed his hand quickly as the man moved. “I was alone too much, Remus. Don’t leave.”

Remus nodded, resting his head on the pillow. “I won’t. I’ll stay.”

“I don’t know what to do, Moony. I don’t know what’s going to happen next.”

“We will find Peter.” Remus said but he knew there was little chance.

“The fucking rat’s going to go into hiding, we’ll never get him now.”

“I am sorry for last night.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Remus, we were caught up in it. We’ve messed up far worse before. At least Harry is safe and he believes me and you believe me. That’s all I care about at this moment. I’ll take the small wins for now until we get Peter.”

Remus closed his eyes, “I’m sorry I let you rot in there. I doubted but all the evidence…”

“It all pointed to me because Peter actually had a brain for once. We were the ones who had lost our minds completely.”

“For the longest time he used to poke at the fifth year prank. He used to remind me why I couldn’t trust you and made me wonder if you were doing this for Regulus.” Remus opened his eyes again.

Sirius shook his head, sitting up against the headboard. “The bastard did the same with you. Talking about how you always were on the fringe. He mentioned how you wondered if anyone could accept you and maybe you went to find acceptance among the other werewolves, especially when you were going on those secret missions. I was so paranoid about everything going on and I fucking listened. I should have known.”

“I should have known too. I know you’re a better person than that.”

Sirius nodded as Remus pushed himself to sit up next to him. “What do we do now?”

“Wait for word from Dumbledore or your brother.”

“You trust him? Regulus, I mean.” Sirius asked, his eyes searching.

“I — look, he believed you didn’t he? He’s good to Harry. Lucius’ boy has some decent relative to look up to. He’s a brilliant teacher…”

“He has the dark mark on his arm.”

Remus couldn’t deny that. People could learn from their mistakes. He wanted to point some of their own misgivings that they ended up seeing the light on eventually. Though, none were as harmful as being a blood purist who was directly in ranks with Voldemort. “I don’t trust him fully, no, but who do I trust fully?”

“Very true.”

“I’ll try to make sure you get a new trial. I don’t know how, but I will.”

“Don’t trouble yourself.” Sirius shook his head. “If Regulus cares then he’ll make sure Dumbledore takes care of it. I don’t want you to get yourself in any more trouble than you’re in right now.”

They sat in silence for a for moments before Sirius made a bit of a pained noise, “God, Remus, there’s so much to say and I don’t know how to say it.”

“I know, Sirius.”

“Can we talk about Harry? That’s… I mean, it’s not exactly easy but it’s not—”

“Yes, no, I know. Um, right, what do you want to know?”

“You didn’t know him well before now?” Sirius questioned.

“How could I? He lived with Lily’s terrible sister and brother-in-law. I didn’t come back to England until a few years back anyhow but I was happy to take the position when Dumbledore offered.”

“Did you talk to him much during your time teaching him?”

“Well, yes and no. I taught him the Patronus charm. I told him in vague terms that I knew James and Lily. He didn’t know that much because of how he grew up. He’s a good kid, a bit of a troublemaker. Just like bloody James, I’m telling you. It’s like a carbon copy.” Remus shook his head. “Mischievous and Quidditch mad just like Prongs.”

Sirius nodded, “I saw him play. He’s amazing.”

“I’m still not over that. I can’t believe you — no I do believe you risked that to watch him play.”

“I got him his Firebolt.” Sirius confessed with a wry smile.

“Padfoot,” Remus laughed. “How did you manage that?”

“Crookshanks delivered the order and I paid from the Black Family Vault. Regulus probably didn’t even notice.”

“I gave him back the Marauder’s Map.”

“Good, it belongs to one of our progeny.”

Remus closed his eyes and bit his lip. They were quiet for some time. There was so much whirling around in his head but he couldn’t grasp on to what he wanted to say to Sirius.

“It worries me you don’t know what to do. You always know what to do.” Sirius rubbed his chin.

“Not always.”

“A lot of the time.” He insisted.

“Maybe we should not try so hard right now. We have so much to say, I think we need to give it time. It’s been twelve years.” Remus decided for them.

“Those were very long years.” Sirius ran a hand over his face.

Remus nodded. He hoped one day he could get out everything he needed to with Sirius but it wasn’t going to happen tonight.

“Maybe we should talk about your terrible mustache. That’s safe and an easy thing to take care of,” Sirius’ finger came up to lightly brush against his upper lip. Remus felt his cheeks burning.

“You know, the bloody map said the same thing.”

Sirius laughed, tears in his eyes. “What else did it say?”

“Well,” Remus hesitated, “Padfoot sent compliments to my fine arse.”

“Of course it did.” Sirius rubbed his eyes. “What should we do now, Moony?”

Remus wanted to lean across the bed and kiss Sirius but he wasn’t about to tell him that. “I think… do you want to watch telly? It might take your mind off things and maybe we can find something to talk about that doesn’t make either of us cry or frustrated. I can make you tea.”

“That sounds good.”

***

Sirius woke up as Padfoot. He had tried to sleep not as Padfoot but he couldn’t bear it. The nightmares weren’t as hard when he was a dog. It seemed easier. He had to worry about waking the rest of the house up.

They had had dinner the night before then chatted about the old times. It felt so amazing to be with his old mates and be happy. Sirius found gaps in his memory that he didn’t realize were there. He hated it but so far, they weren’t too terrible. The worst was the one that he knew about already.

“Padfoot, are you awake?” Remus' voice got his attention as the door was opening. He had wished the man had stayed with him all night but Remus slept on the settee in the living room. Sirius didn’t think it was appropriate to ask him to share a bed. That step seemed like it would take years to get to.

Sirius transformed back and sat up slowly. The soft bed was so strange and foreign. “Yes.”

“Regulus is here,” Remus looked worried, which worried Sirius.

Sirius wondered what on earth his Death Eater brother could possibly want with him. Even if he had surprised Sirius the night before by believing him, he still couldn’t be trusted. The day he saw the dark mark on his 17 year-old brother felt like the worst betrayal he had faced… well, that was just after him thinking Remus was the spy. Okay, maybe they were both tied.

“I think you’re going to have to go on the run.”

“I figured you that.” Sirius said, standing up and stretching. He looked down and remembered that he was wearing Remus’ clothes. That made the center of his check ache something awful. All he wanted was to wrap himself up with Remus and shut away the world. That was not happening.

“Come on, it’s probably important we get a move on.”

Sirius followed Remus out to find Regulus in the dining room. He looked tired and rather worn out. The girls were nowhere to be seen, Sirius assumed they were working at their shop. “What is it?”

“Dumbledore wanted me to tell you that you should move along. Here are some locations I’ve listed,” He held up a piece of parchment.

“Maybe let him wake up for a moment?” Remus shook his head, going for the kettle.

“It’s rather imperative that you leave as soon as possible. They’re people looking for you everywhere. Dementors too. Going somewhere tropical is probably best since it’s so far away. Get as far from here as possible. I gave you some money in here. Muggle and Wizard. There are also clothes, food, various supplies, and a couple of books to keep you entertained.” Regulus held up a velvet emerald wrist bag.

“He has no choice but to leave?” Remus had an edge to his voice.

“Correct and you probably should stay here, Remus. We can’t risk you going and—”

“I never said I was going.” Remus insisted but Sirius felt like he may have been thinking about it.

“We’re going to get him a new trial. We’re working on it but it needs to appear that he’s not being helped by any of us.”

Sirius watched Remus fix a cup of tea, keeping his back towards Regulus. He could see the tenseness in the set of Remus’ shoulders and the way he picked up the cup eventually. He offered the cup to Sirius, who took it from him quickly, their fingers brushing as they did.

“I’ll come back, right?”

“Yes, absolutely.” Regulus insisted.

Everything in him was screaming at Sirius not to trust his brother but he didn’t have much choice at this moment. It felt that way at least. Sirius couldn’t stand having the Dementors following him at every corner. He couldn’t risk the lives of the friends that he had left. “All right.”

“I also managed to get you a wand.” Regulus reached for where it was tucked into his belt. “I know they snapped your old one and you really should get your own but I hope since we’re related by blood that it might help.”

He looked at the wand. The handle was squarish with rune engravings on it. When he took it from Regulus, it felt right in his hand. It had been so long since he had used a wand that he wondered if he could or if he remembered… he must…

“Right,” He sighed as Regulus handed over the bag as well.

“So, he’s leaving right now?” Remus asked.

His brother nodded. “I’ll step out for you two to — um, yeah.”

Sirius took a sip of his tea, trying to figure out how he was going to say goodbye to Remus. Just like everything else with the man, he seemed sort on words.

“I was going to make you breakfast,” Remus said quietly as Regulus left the room.

“It seems important I go.”

“He said before it was Dumbledore’s orders.” Remus leaned back against the counter and Sirius set his teacup down.

“We’ll write.” Sirius said, moving closer. “We can at least write.”

“Of course,” Remus agreed. “Maybe by the next time we see one another, I’ll know what we have to say and do.”

“I’m sure you will.”

After a long moment Remus moved to wrap his arms around Sirius. Sirius felt as if his whole world was righted in his arms. “Eat, please. Treat yourself well. I want to see you looking more like you the next time we meet.”

Sirius hummed in agreement, burying his face in the crook of Remus’ neck and inhaling his scent.

“Don’t do anything stupid. I’ll try my best to look after Harry here. He knows who I am now, maybe it will be easier.”

“You need to take care of yourself too. Take that bloody Wolfsbane.” Sirius pulled back to look him in the eyes but didn’t step away from the embrace.

“I will. I swear.”

“I’ll buy you a school one day. You can teach other little werewolves”

Remus laughed, shaking his head. “Stay safe, Padfoot. I don’t want to lose you.”

Sirius nearly lost his breath as he had a vivid memory of leaving for an Order Mission without Moony. Remus had kissed him so sweetly then said those same words. Sirius could practically taste the kiss and smell the rainfall and the scent of recently smoked cigarettes.

“What is it?” Remus looked concerned.

“Nothing, I just remembered something.” Sirius assured him. “I need to go but I’ll write when I settle into wherever.”

“Please do.”

Sirius finally stepped away from Remus and went towards the door the garden where Regulus was waiting. He wasn’t sure what was going to come next but he hoped that in the end he would find happiness again.


	6. Chapter 6

Remus stretched out in his bed, his feet dangled off the edge and his hand hit his wall. It had been about a year since the night in the shack and things were… well, stagnant you could say. Sirius had sent a few letters along to give general updates. He was sure that it was mainly to let Remus know that he was alive. Remus hadn’t heard from him since towards the start of Hogwarts’ year though, which was months ago now. That worried him some but he received word from both Dumbledore and Regulus not to worry.

So, for the year he went on with his life and worked at Marlene and Dorcas’ shop. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to do, but wanted to be able to relax his mind from constantly worrying about both Sirius and Harry. Whatever was happened to end Harry up in the Goblet of Fire was infuriating. No one was able to answer his questions. Remus was sure that Sirius was furious as well. Not that he knew what the man thought because the letters had stopped. He just hoped he wasn’t getting up to trouble behind Regulus and Dumbledore’s backs.

Today though, Remus felt as if something was wrong today, which didn’t sit well with him. It was the final task of the Goblet of Fire. The day dragged on, which was terrible because he didn’t have work to do for the day. All he was able to do was pace his cottage, read, drink tea, and try to watch the Muggle telly that he had in the flat. None of that took his mind off of things. He only had his mind on Harry and what was going to happen in the last task. It could have ended up with Harry winning, which was insane but not too surprising. He was a smart boy, like his father.

Day turned into night and he heard nothing. Radio silence, he hadn’t even heard from Marlene and Dorcas. Then another day went by and turned into night once again. Remus wondered if he should have gone to Hogwarts for the last challenge, worries about what others would say be damned. He was just so nervous about what was going on. He didn’t understand how he didn’t hear anything yet.

Remus was standing in his kitchen when he heard it. The pawing at the door and a whine of a dog that was so familiar to him. He went to his front door and opened it to find Padfoot carrying a small bag in his mouth. Remus’ stomach dropped because Sirius should have been in hiding somewhere. Of course he wasn’t listening, he never listened to anyone especially about his own safety.

“What’s happened?” He asked as Padfoot came in. As he did, he dropped the bag from his mouth and transformed.

“He’s back Remus. Voldemort is back. Dumbledore had me alert the old guard, you’re the last to know because I’m to stay here until it’s all sorted or we figure out what to do next.” Sirius babbled, running a hand through his hair. It was back down past his shoulders but looked clean and healthy.

Remus’ stomach did another turn and Sirius began to pace. This could not be happening again. This should have been impossible. Remus always knew, deep down even when he didn’t want to admit it, that it would end up coming back around again. “Harry—”

“Harry — he nearly killed Harry but he got away. But another boy, Cedric—”

“Oh god, Cedric Diggory.”

Sirius nodded, his eyes cast down.

“He was — he was a nice kid.” Remus remembered the Hufflepuff fondly in from his classes.

“He was with Harry. The — the bloody trophy was a port key, you see. Fucking, ugh, Merlin’s balls I can’t think.” Sirius put a hand over his face. He shook his head.

“It’s alright, Sirius, take a breath. We’re not going anywhere unless Voldemort decides to come into this house right now, which is doubtful.” Remus said but Godric, he wanted all the information now and fast.

“Moody, he was supposed to be teaching but — it wasn’t Moody, Remus. It was fucking Barty Crouch Jr. He was taking polyjuice potion and --“

“Sirius, he was in Azkaban,” Remus shook his head. “I thought he died.”

“I know! He didn’t! He—fuck!” He shouted and threw up a hand then soften a little. “I know, Remus but he was able to get out because of his father.”

Sirius explained all that he could about Barty getting out and how his father was involved then how he got to Hogwarts and took over Moody’s position. He then went on to explain how Barty was able to make sure Harry got to Voldemort and then what happened to Harry and Cedric. By the end of it all, Remus’ head was spinning even more than it was before.

“Remus, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help Harry now. He’s back and we’re in the same fucking position as before. We can’t do this again.”

“We’re not though.” Remus assured him, taking a seat on his sofa finally. He was tired from just watching Sirius pace the floor. “We’re older and hopefully wiser.”

“Harry’s still a boy. Voldemort wants him dead and we’re supposed to stay here in your cottage and do nothing until told.” Sirius collapsed next to him. “I’m supposed to take care of him, I’m his godfather. I haven’t had the chance to do that once in his life. Well, I did but I fucked it all up because of Peter—”

“I know,” Remus hesitantly patted Sirius’ leg. When Sirius didn’t pull away, he let his hand rest there. “I know you want to do that, Pads. You will do that. How did you find this all out? It couldn’t have been in a letter. If it happened today.”

Sirius looked hesitant, “Well, ah, I stayed in a cave just outside the grounds. Harry, Ron, and Hermoine came to visit me and I stayed in touch via letters and such. I just wanted to give him some support. He doesn’t have much. I mean, he has the Weasley’s but we— I’m family, right?”

“Right, I know why you did it but… you didn’t have to tell me, but why didn’t you tell me?” Remus knew that statement was a bit contradictory. He didn’t care much about that at the moment though. Sirius was in the UK and didn’t tell him. Remus thought he was in some location across the world somewhere.

“I know. I wanted to tell you but I thought you’d get angry with me because I was putting my self in a position to get caught again.”

Remus nodded, “Yes, I probably would have been.”

“It was reckless of me.”

“You clearly haven’t outgrown that personality trait,” He scoffed.

“I should have said something. I wanted to but I also wanted to stay near Harry. I’m glad I did, especially with this.”

“I’m glad you did too, Sirius, I really am. I wish I knew. I would have brought you food or something.”

“Oh, yes, I learned how to cook a lovely rat stew.” Sirius laughed. “I’m kidding, Regulus got brought me food often. My cave looked like a nice tent.”

“How come you look so put together? No, offense but you were living in a cave for a year.”

“I have a wand.” Sirius took out his wand. “I practiced many spells.” He pointed it to the hearth, which glowed red then lit. “I thought I’d forget when Regulus gave this to me but I didn’t.”

“Of course you didn’t, you’re a brilliant wizard, Sirius. You were always the tops.”

“I was all right. James was the best. Lily too. You weren’t bad yourself.”

“You and James were naturals.” Remus bit his lip and moved his hand off of Sirius’ leg finally.

“But you were still amazing,” Sirius squeezed Remus’ knee. “So, now that I explained that all, you wouldn’t happen to have anything to eat? I’m famished.”

“Yes, I do have something to eat. I barely could stomach my dinner tonight.”

“You knew something was happening. You were always like that.” Sirius said as Remus stood up.

“You were too.”

“Our doggy instincts, you always thought.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it. The wolf does a lot of strange things.” Remus went to the kitchen.

“How are you feeling, by the way? The full was a few nights back.”

“All right. It is easier with the Wolfsbane so I’m not in as much pain.”

“That’s good.” Sirius said, something sad playing in his eyes. “That’s good, Moony.”

Remus tried not to feel anything special when Sirius called him the nickname but he couldn’t help it. It was just so natural. In the year since they had seen each other last, Remus still hadn’t sorted his feelings for Sirius. He wished that it was so much easier than it was. Then again, he wished for a lot of things and none of those ever came true, now that included keeping Harry safe and for Voldemort never to come back.

***

The last however many hours or days were taxing and tiring and just confusing. Really, the last 30 some odd years of his life fell into that category. That was probably an exaggeration but he felt like the last few days were something akin to the last months during the last war. Sirius felt utterly out of control. He couldn’t help Harry. He couldn’t stop Voldemort. He had nothing.

At the moment, things seemed to settle down. He felt safe for the first time in ages, even if it was temporary and most likely fleeting. Sirius observed Remus as the other man washed the dishes from their dinner. He wasn’t using magic so he was doing them by hand. The cottage itself seemed to be a mix of Muggle technology and Magic, just as Marlene and Dorcas’ was. Sirius liked it. It felt good and very Remus of him. Sirius felt comforted in the cottage — Sirius couldn’t be sure if that were the home or the person who lived there.

“I have been bothering Regulus about a trial. I wrote him multiple times and he says he’s working on it but there has been nothing he’s been able to do. He wrote me that Dumbledore says there is nothing we can do unless we have solid evidence.” Remus explained in his usual, even tone after he finished cleaning the plate. The sound of his voice always calmed Sirius no matter how stressed out he was.

“I figured it’d be difficult.” Sirius bit at his lip. “There’s nothing but Peter’s words and mine to change it. Gods, I’d drink a gallon of Veritaserum and they probably wouldn’t believe me. They’d say I was mad or it was dark magic or something.”

Remus wiped his hands with a towel as he came to sit across from Sirius at the small table in the kitchen. “I’d do it too but I’m a dark creature so they’d make excuses. They won’t listen to kids, even though the three of them are probably brighter than half the Ministry. All they want is Peter and I was the one who fucked that up.”

“Moony, please, don’t be like that. Don’t blame your self, even though I know that’s one of your favorite things to do.” Sirius rolled his eyes. That was his least favorite things about Remus, that self-deprecation and the martyrdom that he seemed to experience every so often. It was partly why they fell apart before.

“It’s true though, if I had just taken the Wolfsbane or reminded you all.”

“We were all wrapped up in it, Remus. Regulus and I should have remembered too. Who knows, maybe Regulus did know.” Sirius said.

Before leaving Hogwarts, Dumbledore forced him to shake hands and play nice with his brother. Sirius was never sure he’d be able to trust his little brother. It bothered him a lot that Dumbledore seemed to believe Regulus and trust in him without any doubt but he couldn’t manage to do anything for Sirius. He was a Death Eater. He had the dark mark and everything. Dumbledore should have known Sirius wouldn’t have hurt James, Lily, and Harry.

“You still don’t think he’s trustworthy?” Remus questioned.

“No, do you?”

“I don’t know. I have no idea. He got you to safety and you survived the last year without incident, right?”

Sirius nodded, “It just feels like he’s not telling me something. It feels like he’s holding something back.” He couldn’t explain why he felt that way, he just did. Maybe there was just unresolved brotherly shite. “At what point do we trust him?”

“We probably should now. There’s a long list of reasons to do so.”

“There’s a long list of reasons not to do so,” Sirius reminded his former boyfriend.

Ugh. Boyfriend. He wished that he could just lean across the table and snog Remus. It had been thirteen long years without having someone embrace him. It had been thirteen long years dreaming about Remus’ touch. That one time at Marlene and Dorcas’ place when they cuddled in the bed, it wasn’t enough. Now, he was back in Remus’ flat and he was going to have to figure out how he was going to live in such close quarters with the other man.

“I know there is, Sirius. Maybe we take it as it comes. We have to figure out what’s happening now. Once we do that, then we can move on and decide what to do with Reggie.” Remus suggested. “So far, he hasn’t given us away.”

Sirius wanted to trust his brother, he did but everything in his body and brain was screaming not to for some reason. All those years of broken trust was a lot to recover from. He could probably say the same about him and Remus. Except that was very different. “All right.”

“Good,” Remus yawned. “I should get some sleep. I barely got any yesterday. Why do you take the bed, I’ll kip on the sofa.”

“Don’t be daft Moony, I know your bones are still aching. I’ll probably go dog anyway.” Sirius said. It was easier to sleep as Padfoot. He was so used to it now that he wondered if he would ever be able to stop.

“Okay, I won’t even argue with you on it. If you need anything just wake me.”

“I’m sure I’ll be up before you and I highly doubt I can ‘just wake you’.”

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius used to give him shite all the time about how he slept like the dead and how he could do so anywhere at any time. “Goodnight Padfoot, we’ll try to come up with a plan tomorrow.”

Sirius nodded as Remus started to walk away, “Oi, Moony.” He said and Remus said and turned around. “I’m glad you shaved your mustache. You look 100 times better without the thing.”

“Fuck you, Pads.” He said with no spite in his voice. Sirius swore he saw Remus’ cheeks flush.

With a sigh, Sirius stood up from the table and went back into the small sitting room. He looked at the three shelves lined with books and the crates on the floor filled with records. All he could think about was their dodgy little flat back in Camden. It was packed with just the same things except Sirius’ stuff was mixed in. He wondered what Remus did with all of it. He probably snapped all the records, Sirius frowned as he flipped through one of the crates.

Remus had every right in the world to destroy his things after the war. They had hurt each other so bad, and Sirius hurt Remus far worse by being taken away and accused of murdering their best mates. For the last year, Sirius tried to think of ways to fix everything that happened between him and Remus. Though, like his and his brother’s relationship it seemed impossible. The best he could get was the friendliness that was currently between them.

On the shelf an old worn copy of Far From The Madding Crowd caught his eye. Lily had given it to Remus in sixth year. Remus read it through three times, to Sirius knowledge. One of those times was aloud to Sirius. Now, it Sirius could connect with the characters just a bit. The whole, being left by the love of your life due to embarrassment and betrayal then coming back together in surprising circumstances. Of course Bathsheba and Gabriel did not get back together right away. There was even more pain and hardship. Sirius felt as if he was in the rising action of the plot at the moment between him and Remus. He could only hope that Remus did not fall for someone else who Sirius had to end up killing before Sirius and Remus got a happily ever after.

Sirius plucked the book off the shelf and opened it. As he did, a few things fell out at his feet. He knelt down to pick them up to find a few photos and letters. All of which made Sirius feel as if his heart was shattering in his chest. A photo of all the Marauders, plus Marlene and Dorcas at a party to welcome Harry to the world. Another was of Remus and Lily. Another of James and Remus. A photo of The Order. Then the last picture was of Sirius and Remus.

There were tears on the edges, as if Remus wanted to rip it apart but he couldn’t bring himself to ruin it. The picture itself was taken with a Muggle camera so it was a still image of Remus kissing Sirius on the cheek and Sirius laughing. Their arms were wrapped around one another. Sirius remember the night. It was their seventh year at a party after Gryffindor won a Quidditch Game. Remus told him that night he loved him for the first time.

Sirius held on to the photo as he looked at the three letters. All of them were from Sirius during the start of the war. He didn’t know where Remus was most of the time but they sent a few letters when he was away. This eventually strained their relationship, but these letters were from the start. It was before the whispers of spies. Things were still good then.

> _Moony Mine,_
> 
> _I miss you so much. I miss waking up next to you and kissing you awake. I miss your arms around my waist when we dance in the living room of our flat. I miss how you make my tea. I miss your lips on my skin. I miss you touching me and fucking me. It’s only been a week and I’m going absolutely mad. Yes, I know, it’s not the far for me to go._
> 
> _Please be safe because I don’t know what you’re doing for Albus. I’m scared for you so please send something back quickly to tell me that you’re okay. I don’t think I’d ever survive without you._
> 
> _What do you say, after the war we’ll go live in the country. It will be quiet and you’ll have a garden. You’ll make me tea and I’ll sit and watch you trim the roses. We can get married and host dinner parties. We’ll be happy. It will be peaceful_
> 
> _Love you more than anything,_   
>  _Padfoot_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is going to be pretty cannon until chapter 13. There’s a divergence in 11 and 12, but it doesn’t really get going until 13. You will be getting Black Brother bonding and Remus/Regulus being snarky assholes to Sirius. There’s just a lot the three of them have to work out before they can finally get there. Please don’t get angry at them not talking. These men are idiots and have been through a lot. Don’t expect EVERYTHING to change and be fixed when chapter 13 comes around, though. As of right now there will still be The Battle of Hogwarts. Don’t worry, Remus and Sirius will be alive and happy at the end, if you’re concerned about that.

Remus woke up and listened to Sirius out in the kitchen puttering about. Just as when they were younger, Sirius was always the first to wake. Remus preferred to sleep in and he always slept heavily. Sirius always had a hard time sleeping. He was sure that it was worse since Azkaban. Remus couldn’t bear to think what the other man thought about in his sleep now. It was no wonder he slept as Padfoot every night on the sofa.

Sirius had been living in his tiny cottage for the last two weeks since arriving from Hogwarts on Dumbledore’s orders. They had heard sketchy updates but nothing seemed to be happening just yet. The Prophet and everyone else appeared to be shrugging off Voldemort coming back, making Harry look like a liar or mad. The only ones who believe were the members of The Order that were left. It was driving both Sirius and Remus mad. They couldn’t do anything because they were given the orders to lie low until told. Remus worried if it went on too long, Sirius wouldn’t listen to those orders and do as he pleased.

Actually, a lot of things were driving Remus mad at the moment. Voldemort and all that was number one because it was the most important. They were heading fast and furious into another war, which Remus had no idea if he could handle. A close second was Sirius and every single feeling that went along with him. He didn’t know what to do with the other man or how to handle the emotions he was feeling. Sometimes Remus wanted to snog Sirius and take him to bed. Other times he wanted to scream at him and confront him about their past. Most of the time he just wanted to curl up on the sofa with him and read and do crosswords. Mostly because, that was the safest thing they could do.

The morning after Sirius had arrived, Remus found Far From the Madding Crowd on the coffee table. Sirius told him he was reading it. He had set the photos and letters that were tucked in that on the bookshelf. They were piled there neatly but Remus could tell that the letters had been opened and read. Their photo was on the top of the pile face down. Neither of them spoke about what was tucked away in the book. They should have. Remus was keeping Sirius’ love letters and photos from their past kept safe and hidden. He should have been over it all and burnt it with some of Sirius things he put up in flames.

Truth be told, he was never going to get over Sirius Black. He was always going to love him, no matter. If thinking that he was a spy who murdered his friends wasn’t enough to deter his heart, then nothing was going to work. Remus did not believe that they were going to be able to make things work. So much had happened between them, could they possibly ever have a happily ever after? He’d never know because they never talked about it. Remus wasn’t sure if he wanted to. Remus was afraid of what would happen if he just opened up.

Pushing himself out of bed, Remus groaned. He could have slept for ages but he had to get to the shop to help out the girls. If it weren’t for friends then he would be poor and destitute. Remus wasn’t sure what would have happened if he didn’t have Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, and Gideon after the war. He could hardly imagine himself surviving after even a year of loneliness. Even though he left to wander the earth to try to find some happiness, they kept in contact and sent money without even asking if he needed it. Since returning home, they made sure he had steady work, even though werewolves could barely get anything. They were lifesavers.

After he got dressed, he went into the kitchen to find Sirius sitting at the table with a cup of tea in front of him and The Prophet in his hand. He was biting the pad of his thumb in thought. Sirius looked up at him with a smile in his eyes. Remus tried not to think about how young he looked in that moment. It was as if he was transported back to their dodgy Camden flat just after Hogwarts. “Your hair needs sorting,” He laughed, setting the paper down.

“It’s not so bad.”

“Moony, it’s getting long and unmanageable. Let me trim it. I know the spell well.”

Remus shook his head, “Maybe another time.” The last time he let Sirius near his hair, he ended up with purple curls for nearly a week. Sirius convinced him it made him look fit but Remus had his doubts. He also was too old for purple hair. Or, he felt too old for purple hair.

He went to the kettle to pour himself a cup. Remus decided to venture a question that he knew the answer to but the silence needed to be filled, “Anything good in The Prophet?”

“Nothing but the same old shite,” He tossed it aside, nearly knocking over the flowers he had plucked from Remus’ tiny, sad garden. They were sitting in one of Remus’ water glasses that he had inherited from his mam. “I’m not even supposed to write Harry. How is this fair? He’s going to think we all abandoned him.”

“It’s not fair, Sirius, but it’s what we have to do. We have to keep him safe, right?”

“And Dumbledore kept him safe before?” Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Those bloody Muggles…”

“I know they are terrible, but where else could Harry have gone?”

“To you. To Marlene and Dorcas. To Gid and Mare. I don’t know. Anyone. Even Minnie.” Sirius said as Remus sat across from him.

“I know, Sirius. I wish I could have taken him.” Remus knew that wasn’t even in the cards after that fateful night.

“Bloody prejudices,” Sirius muttered then took a sip of his tea.

“I wouldn’t have been in a fit enough state to take him in any way.” Remus shuddered at the thought. His whole life had fallen to pieces in just a few hours. Remus was on the verge after he had walked out on Sirius a month or so previous. People were dying all over the place. He thought his friends were betraying him. He thought his own boyfriend, the man he had loved for years, was a spy. Remus was sure that Sirius betrayed James and Lily for a while. Needless to say, he didn’t have the ability to care for a child then.

“I know,” Sirius bit his lip. “Ah, are you going to work today, then?”

Remus nodded.

“Tell the girls I say hello.”

“Will do.” Remus took another sip of his tea. “Have a — er, I’d say a good day but—”

“I know. I’ll do some reading. Could you bring me home some of those muggle crosswords? Another book of them?”

Remus agreed with a smile. The other man had blown through a book of them the previous week when Remus brought one home on a whim. Sirius longed to keep his mind busy and that seemed like a good distraction. He felt bad for leaving Sirius sitting around the flat, so it was the least he could do. Being stuck in the cottage was as if he was going from one prison to another to another.

“What’s on your mind?” Marlene asked when Remus came out of the floo.

“Nothing, just… I’m feeling bad for Sirius. Don’t tell him I sad that, he’d probably hex me.” He shrugged, going towards the front of the store to start to get things ready for the day.

“Mmm, how’s he doing?” She frowned.

“I think he’s very ready for something to happen. He’s getting bored and trying not to complain too much but I know — I remember Sirius and he’s going to burst anytime soon. I’m surprised he’s held it together for so long.”

“Why don’t we have a little get together. Me and Dori and Gid and Mare?”

Remus considered for a moment. Sirius could use some social interaction that wasn’t him or a letter from Dumbledore. It might help take his mind off of the impending doom outside their doorstep. Plus, Sirius hadn’t seen his old mates in ages. “That could be fun. Maybe on Saturday?”

“Excellent, I’ll bring the firewhisky.” She laughed. “It will be… it will be fun.”

“I hope so,” Remus said. It had been a while since he had some fun. He was sure that it was far longer for Sirius.

The last time they had a party was before Fabian was killed. That was the first big hit to The Order. After that, all the dominos began to tumble. Remus hoped this get together didn’t signal something bad. He hoped it would turn something around in Sirius, in him. That was a lot of hope to hang on a small get together, but Remus had to take what he could get.

***

Sirius thought back to the letter that Remus had saved. The one where Sirius talked about hosting parties when the war was over and about when they would live in the country during peacetime. It felt as if it were coming true today in some twisted sort of way. He was standing in Remus’ kitchen put together something to snack on while he waited for Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, and Gideon to arrive. The cottage wasn’t in the country like he had dreamt of, but it was close enough. Except he was forced to be there it wasn’t a willing thing. They aren’t weren’t happy in love.

It had been thirteen years since he had done any sort of social event. The idea of being around all these people left him with some anxiety the other day when Remus had suggested it. He knew the other man was trying to make him feel happy and to offer Sirius something outside of the four walls of the cottage. Sirius accepted mainly because he wasn’t sure how much longer he could sit and look at Remus.

It wasn’t as if they didn’t speak to one another. They talked, a lot, but they never talked about anything that happened between them. Their topics of conversation were about others or they were about current events. Mainly they were about Harry, what James and Lily would be thinking, and how they were going to make sure he survived now. Anything was better than talking about how they felt about one another. Sirius was terrified to hear Remus said he couldn’t love him ever again because he knew that’s what the other man would say. Sirius wasn’t sure how to convince him otherwise.

“Sirius!” Marlene said loudly, making Sirius jump. He hadn’t realized that she had come into the kitchen. “Oh, sorry.” She said quietly as she came to stand next to him. Her blond hair was now down to her shoulders and held back with a few barrettes.

“It’s all right, I was lost in my thoughts.” He smiled when she hugged him.

“Good. You’re looking much better than the last time we saw you. I heard you were living in a cave though.”

He snickered, “I was living in a cave, yes. I wanted to be nearer to Harry. That didn’t do much good.”

“Don’t say that. I’m sure you were a good support for him. You would have been taken back to Azkaban and given The Kiss. Harry wouldn’t want that either.” A shiver passed over him at the thought of going back. Marlene shook her head and changed the subject, “Come on, let’s have some fun! Mary and Gid are very happy to see you.”

In the living room, Dorcas was laughing a Gideon, who was still tall and had a head full of ginger hair. Mary was next to him. She with dark skin and curly black hair. They all lit up when they saw Sirius. They looked so much older but yet the same, it was hard to explain. He felt like a completely different person but his old friends looked as if they barely changed. It made him rather jealous.

“It’s nice to see you, mate,” Gideon rushed over. “I was so relieved when I heard it wasn’t you.”

“We all were.” Mary pulled him into a hug. “I’m so happy you’re back. I’m sorry we haven’t seen you since you’ve been back. We didn’t want to smoother.”

Sirius loved physical affection. He never got any when he was young then he met James who was always hugging people. Then when he and Moony were together, Sirius was practically attached to him at all times. Since Azkaban, he hadn’t had much. The most he got was when he and Remus were chatting at Marlene and Dorcas’. That was basically nothing with the exception of a few touches.

Remus came back inside from feeding Buckbeak, who was now staying in Remus’ small garden under various disillusionment charms. Sirius hated how beautiful he looked with the top few buttons of his shirt undone and his too long hair falling over his forehead. He wished he could be over Remus, and be just mates. It would make his life just slightly easier.

“Gang’s well — er, not really all here.” Gideon laughed and Mary shook her head at the off-colour joke.

“Let’s drink!”

“Sirius cooked some food for us too,” Remus said with a grin in Sirius’ direction.

“You can cook?” Dorcas asked in a surprised tone.

“Yes! When… when Moony and I lived together before it all went too shite I was the cook. You can’t let this man near a kitchen.” It still felt strange to be able to joke and laugh with people. He was in misery for so long this felt as this was a different world.

“I’ve survived fine.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“You’re skinny as a rail,” Sirius complained. “Eat something.”

With that, the six friends slipped into their old ways. It was a bit odd without everyone else who had died, and they even talked about them. But, for the most part their conversation was light as the reminisced about old times. They would fall into something more serious, but then someone (normally Gideon or Marlene) would break the tension. It was good conversation though, and Sirius remembered how much he loved the company of others.

Sirius was relaxed by the time their friends decided they should head home before they couldn’t apparate or make it via floo without getting splinched or ill. Sirius wasn’t sure if he was relaxed because of his friends, or if it was the firewhisky that he had drank. Sirius had not imbibed much since Azkaban. Sirius hadn’t relaxed much since far before that either.

Sitting next to him on the floor was Remus, who was looking rather relaxed himself. Sirius ached for days in the Common Room where all they did was this very thing. Lying about, laughing, and talking about nothing of too much consequence. He forgot some of those days but his memory was getting stronger and stronger. Even tonight, he slowly came to remember some events that were talked about. Still, he couldn’t remember his and Remus’ first kiss and it was killing him. It was the one memory that he knew he was mussing that he wanted and needed.

Sirius laid back on the floor with a long sigh, “I can’t remember the first time we kissed.” He said, not meaning to spill that out loud. Yes, he was drunk. He now felt like his head was buzzing in a good way as he closed his eyes.

When he opened them, he looked to see Remus with a furrowed brow. The other man stretched out next to him, turning on to his side so he could look at Sirius. “Do you still not remember everything?”

“I remember a lot more than I did when I first got out but it’s still spotty here and there.”

“Mmm, that’s a pity. It was a good first kiss. Normally first kisses are complete shite,” Remus rested a hand on Sirius’ chest. Sirius could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he looked at Remus’ lips. “Do you want me to tell you about it?”

Sirius shook his head, “No, I just — I just want to remember. I don’t want you to tell me.” For some reason, it felt like he needed it to come back on his own. Maybe he didn’t really want to remember.

“Okay,” Remus leaned forward, licking his lips.

“You can… You can… remind me.” Sirius said then a moment later Remus’ lips were on his.

It felt like drowning. In a good way, if that were even possible. Sirius was being swallowed up in a wave of affection. Remus’ lips were so familiar on his but chills ran up his spine at the feeling. Remus’ hand on his waist felt grounding. Sirius wanted more, more, more. He put a hand on the back of Remus’ neck and pulled him closer as the man licked his way into Sirius’ mouth.

Then all of a sudden, Remus pulled back and sat up. Sirius wanted to sob at the loss of contact. “I’m sorry, we can’t do this, Sirius. There’s too much that we have to talk about.”

Sirius took a deep breath and nodded. “I know. What do you want to say? How should we say it?”

“I don’t know. I’m — I’m afraid of what I want to say.”

“I’m afraid of what you want to say too.”

Sirius knew that Remus was holding back. Remus always held back until his burst at the seams. When Remus burst at the seams, there was never any turning back. Sometimes, when they were younger, Sirius would poke and prod at the seams until they came undone. At the moment, Sirius wasn’t sure if he was mentally strong enough to hear what Remus had to say.


	8. Chapter 8

A couple of weeks after their kiss, life in Remus’ cottage was stifling. The kiss was one of the daftest moves he had ever made in his life and he had made a lot of daft moves in the past. They both had had a bit too much firewhisky and Remus was feeling completely calm for the first time in a long time. All the nostalgia hit him square in the face and he just wanted to be close to Sirius. Then Sirius said he couldn’t remember their first kiss and it just spiraled out of control for a moment.

Godric, that kiss was better than any kiss he had given or been given since he had left Sirius. He tried so hard for years to move on, but it felt impossible. He measured every one to Sirius. He measured everything those people could do or give him to what Sirius did and what Sirius used to give him. Kissing and sex were perfunctory and just a route to release and temporary pleasure. Remus missed the feeling of being with Sirius. All his resolve crumbled at the moment Sirius mentioned kissing him.

Now, it was a day post moon and Remus was curled up in his bed. For some reason this moon made him feel extra ill and achey. Wolfsbane normally did a decent job of not letting things fall apart too much. This one seemed to have a strong pull to it. It ravaged him more than any moon has for nearly three years now. He wondered how long his body could take it. The life expectancy for werewolves was much lower than that of a wizards’, even lower than a Muggles’.

“Moony,” Sirius said, poking his head into his bedroom. “I made you tea and I have some of those crackers that were in your pantry.”

“Oh, thanks,” Remus forced himself to sit up.

Sirius set the tea and crackers on Remus’ bedside table. He hovered for a moment then went to leave. Remus knew Sirius they could not keep going like this.

“Wait, Sirius, can you sit down to talk for a minute?” He grimaced as he reached for the cup.

They had been pretty much ignoring one another lately. When they weren’t doing that, they were snippy and arguing about small things. Remus couldn’t take it. He knew that it was mostly his fault. He was the one who had the most to say and Sirius was waiting for him to say it. It wasn’t fair at all to Sirius, who was trying to get on. It wasn’t fair to string him along, no matter what Remus wanted to say to him eventually.

“Sure, I can, um,” He sat on the edge of the bed carefully then turned so one of his legs was curled under him and he was facing Remus. “Are you feeling okay?”

“It just took a lot out of me this time,” He shrugged.

“Moony on Wolfsbane is strange.” Sirius said with a smile. “I mean, I’m glad it keeps you safe and all but I’m used to running him.”

“I’m sure Padfoot wants to play,” Remus snickered. “Were you Padfoot all night?”

Remus tried to convince Sirius not to come into his room when he transformed but he didn’t listen. When he woke up, Sirius was taking care of him, just as he used to when they were younger. It was nice and Remus had not realized how much he missed that until that moment.

“No, you just wanted a cuddle,” Sirius looked down at his hands. “Much nicer Moony than the last time…”

“Yes, well, that last time fucked this all up. We could—”

“Let’s not go down that road again.”

“Right, no, I know,” Remus blew on his tea. If he had taken the potion then Peter would have been caught and Sirius would have been completely free. “I wanted to talk about the kiss.”

Sirius looked back up to him with confusion on his face, “What about it?”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you the other week and it shouldn’t have taken me so bloody long to tell you that. I was drunk and feeling—”

“Nostalgic?” Sirius guessed.

“Yes, nostalgic. You looked so happy and I remembered so much at that moment that I was overwhelmed with it all. I was also drunk and made a daft choice, which usually is not a good excuse but it’s the truth.” Remus explained to Sirius quickly.

“I know, it was just a mistake.” Sirius seemed as if he was trying not to look hurt.

“Look, Sirius, I think we should clear something up so we can just get on without lives to some extent.”

“What’s that?”

“We’re — we’re not going to be together, right? I mean, we’ll be mates and I’m so happy to have you back in my life but we’re not going to be able to make this all work in a romantic sense. At least not — not now. There’s so much stuff that I haven’t even had a chance to sort.”

Sirius bit his lip and nodded, “As long as you’re in my life, Moony, that’s all I care about. We’ve lost so many people and we’re going head first into another war. If we’re going to be going to war again, I need you around me.”

Remus took a sip of his tea, even though it was not as hot as it was when he was handed it, it still was a bit too hot to drink. It slightly burned all the way down. “We can’t lose each other again this time.”

“No, we can’t. I shouldn’t have ever thought you’d betray us.”

“I should have never felt that way about you either. We were stupid and let Peter get to us,” Remus closed his eyes for a moment. If he went down that road of thought, he’d begin saying the thing that he didn’t want to say out loud. Not yet, at least. He wasn’t ready.

“Yes, we were.” Sirius patted his leg. “Moony, we have to survive this one, no matter what. Together. You have to promise me that we’ll make it.”

Remus shook his head, “That impossible and illogical.”

“I just need to hear,” Sirius said with a tight voice.

Remus frowned and reached for Sirius’ hand. “We’ll make it this time, Sirius. Harry will too.” He knew that he couldn’t guarantee it but he also knew Sirius well enough to know that he needed to hear the words, even if Remus knew they were just bullshite. It was an empty promise. If there was a war, there was no guarantee that any of them would live.

Sirius sniffled, “I need to talk to him.”

“You will soon, if anything, we’ll go to Hogwarts somehow to visit. I’ll take you as a dog and we’ll go to a Quidditch match.” Remus wanted very much to do that, but Albus would probably forbid it.

The other man chuckled and shook his head, “I’d love to see him play again.”

“He’s bloody brilliant.”

“Better than his father, I’d say.”

“James is going to come to haunt you, you know?”

“Let him, I’ll tell him to his face. Plus, he’d be proud.”

“So proud,” Remus agreed.

Remus wished he could use magic to fix everything between him and Sirius, but that was impossible. He knew everything eventually inside him would bubble to the surface and it would come tumbling out whether he was ready or not. Then he and Sirius may not be able to remain friends. It might hurt them both too much to be able to deal with any longer.

***

Sirius sat in the small window seat looking out on to the garden, attempting to read but he was staring out the window yearning to be free. He felt as if he was going to go mad. Yes, he could go out into the garden thanks to charms and such but he couldn’t go past it. The only people/things he saw regularly were Remus and Buckbeak. Their old friends would stop in every so often as well but for the most part, Sirius was alone. Even with Remus in the cottage, especially since they had kissed a month ago, Sirius felt as if he was alone.

They had talked a few weeks back. The conversation barely solved a thing. Remus said he wanted to remain friends, and nothing more. Sirius understood that but didn’t want to remain just friends. Of course, if accepting it would keep Remus in his life and close by then he wouldn’t complain. Except they weren’t close now, mentally at least. They merely existed in the same common space. It was infuriating and Sirius was sure that he was going to lose his sanity at one point.

One day, Remus was going to tell him how he felt. Sirius wasn’t sure if he was mentally prepared for that screaming match just yet. He wanted to overcome all the shite that was holding them back from even being decent mates at the moment. Sirius couldn’t be sure that he could handle it though. The talk about their friendship had caused enough pain inside of him. Thinking about how Remus was going to react to all the anguish finally Sirius had caused him in the past was going to be a lot.

The hearth roared to life and Sirius instinctively reached for his wand while he jumped to his feet. They weren’t expecting any visitors. The others usually sent an owl to tell Sirius and Remus know they were stopping by. There had not been any attacks reported, that Sirius knew of. But if there were people The Death Eaters would go after right away, it would be former Order members. Remus would probably be close to the top of their list. Maybe Regulus finally gave them away.

That wasn’t true because his brother was standing in front of him in his all black robes. He looked annoyed at the fact Sirius was pointing his wand at him. “Really?”

“You could have warned me you were on your way,” Sirius huffed and dropped his hand, but did not put his wand down. Regulus had yet to do anything wrong, but he still couldn’t trust his brother.

“Dumbledore told me to come at once.”

“Right, you’re always looking to serve one master or another. Mummy then Voldemort, and now apparently Albus.” Sirius said with an eye roll.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about Sirius. You always talk, but you never really listen or think things through. It’s no wonder why you ended up in Azkaban.”

Sirius just shot him a look before he changed the subject, “What do you want?”

“We need to use Grimmauld as Order headquarters. It makes the most sense.”

The name of his ancestral home made his skin crawl. It was his first prison for about fifteen years of his life, give or take. His mother was tyrannical and ruled over Sirius with a heavy hand. Orion was no better but cared very little about his sons, only when others were around and needed Sirius and Regulus to stay in line. The main issue was that Sirius had a lot of trouble staying in line. “Why are you telling me this. I don’t give a shite what happens to that place. Really, the fact that The Order will be using it fills me with glee because that’s the last thing any of them would want.”

The night Sirius heard his parents had died during his stay in Azkaban, he celebrated and got completely smashed. Last year, Marlene had written him a letter to give him a bit of an update of what happened the last twelve years. At the end of the letter she told him that Walburga and Orion had died not long after he went away. Once he finished the letter, he went to a bar on the island he was staying on at the time and drank. It was the only time before the other month that he had got drunk and went to be social. He had shagged some random bloke that night. Sirius couldn’t remember much of the encounter but the man had caramel hair and was taller than him.

“You have to give permission.”

“Why?” Sirius sniffed and folded his arms. “I was disowned.”

Regulus shook his head, “She never did so formally. Then after you went to Azkaban, she thought you did the work for The Dark Lord. Walburga left the home to you and only you. She told me on her deathbed that I had a lot to live up to.”

Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head. The fact that his mother went to her grave believing that Sirius was a Death Eater and carried out those killings made his sick. He worked his whole life trying to prove that he was not like her or most of his horrid family members. “Take it, I don’t care.” He waved a hand.

“Okay,” Regulus said quietly as if he wanted to say more but choose not to.

“Why aren’t you going to tell Albus it’s done? Thought you’d be running off once I agreed. Hoped, I should say.” Sirius opened his eyes again.

“There’s one more thing you need to know.” Regulus bit his lip.

“What?”

“You have to move there.”

Sirius’ gut twisted again. He would have lived twelve years in Remus’ tiny cottage before going back to Grimmauld for one night. At least the cottage felt like a home. The cottage didn’t contain years of pain in it. The cottage had Remus. “I can’t.” He heard his voice shake as he spoke.

“You must, Sirius, there’s no other option. Staying here will put Lupin at risk.”

“How dare you say that? You’re just trying to force me to go.” Sirius yelled, gripping his wand tight.

“I’m being honest, you bastard.” Regulus snapped back, taking a step closer to his brother. “It’s the best thing to do for The Order, for Lupin, and for Harry. We need a central, secret location and you need to be hidden better for everyone’s sake including your own.”

Sirius felt like he wanted to cry, but he refused to do so in front of Regulus. He couldn’t let Remus or Harry get hurt because of his stubbornness. He had to weather it at Grimmauld. “Fine. I’ll go, but we have to take Buckbeak.”

“I’m sure there’s a place to keep him there. We’ll need to clear out the place. Who knows how many doxies and boggarts and curses there are in there.” Regulus seemed to shudder at the thought. “Albus will be the secret keeper and tell The Order about it. Being there will be much safer, Sirius. There’s more room too.”

“Remus’ cottage is plenty of room.” Sirius said. It may have felt like a prison for various reasons, but it was nothing compared to Grimmauld. “I would live here the rest of my life if I had to. I’m only going to keep Harry safe.” He shook his head.

“Not Lupin?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but Remus and I are barely even acquaintances at the moment. We both want the same thing, Harry to survive and for this to not become another war. I’m not losing everything again.”

Regulus looked like he wanted to add something but didn’t. Regulus had been cruel when he had found Sirius and Remus snogging that night on perfect rounds. Sirius was surprised he even tolerated Moony. “I’ll finalize everything with Albus, but I’d be ready to move within the next few days. I’m assuming Dumbledore would like it sooner than later.”

Sirius nodded, not trusting himself to open his mouth because he was afraid of breaking down. He was thankful that Regulus took his leave nearly right after, Sirius knew that he wasn’t going to be able to hold it together any longer. There was a pain in his chest that made it feel as if his heart was going to shatter. He felt like he couldn’t breathe properly and everything just felt strange. He remembered feeling like this before when he was younger. It wasn’t something he felt much in Azkaban. But he knew that he needed to be in a quiet place to try to calm down.

It was close to time for Remus to get back from the shop, so Sirius went to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He sat on the ground and hugged his knees then the tears finally spilled over. His chest heaved and he felt dizzy. Sirius didn’t know how he was going to survive any amount of time in Grimmauld. The horrors were still fresh in his brain. He’d prefer to face Voldemort a million times over than go back to his childhood home.

“Sirius, what’s happened?” Remus’ voice startled him.

He looked up to see the other man staring at him with concern in his eyes. “I locked the door,” Was all Sirius could manage before his sobbed again.

“Not hard to get in,” Remus took a seat next to him against the bathtub. “What is going on? Are you okay?”

“Grimmauld is being used,” Sirius took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of himself. “It’s being used as Order HQ and I have to — have to stay there.”

Remus frowned deeply, “No.” If there were anyone alive that understood how Sirius was feeling about this, it was Remus. He had seen the bruises and scars. He had heard all of Sirius’ pain when they were younger. “I’ll come with you.”

Sirius laughed, “This is your home.”

“I’m not letting you stay there alone.” Remus put an arm around him. “I refuse to let you suffer there alone, Sirius.”

It had been a long time since Sirius had felt loved and for a fleeting moment he did there on Remus’ bathroom floor. He buried his face into Remus’ shoulder. Maybe they were far more than acquaintances. Maybe Remus could still love him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry this is taking so long. I actually haven't written a thing lately and this chapter has been sitting in my to post pile for a while. I'm hoping to spark something, but this is taking me so long. I don't know when the next update will be. Hopefully soon.

Grimmauld was hell, Remus decided as he stared down yet another dark hallway that supposedly led to a library and Orion’s office. He had had enough of cleaning, and he was not in the building as much as Sirius, Molly, and the kids. It felt as if something was lurking around every corner and behind every wall. It was all dark and dingy and it didn’t help that it had been abandoned for about a decade now.

Sadly, it wasn’t far off of what Remus had imagined whenever he thought about Sirius being home over Summer hols. Sirius did say that it wasn’t necessarily as bad as it was now. Yes, it was full of its own horrors previously but many dark things grew and/or moved in when the Black Family no longer lived in there.

“What’d you say professor,” Tonks said next to him with a low laugh. He wasn’t sure why Tonks, Bill, and Charlie had taken to calling him professor because he hadn’t even been close to teaching either of the elder Weasley boys or Nymphadora.

They had to whisper in the halls so they didn’t awaken anything — especially the horrid painting of Walburga. The thing loved to screech about Remus being a werewolf. He did get a kick out of the fact that Grimmauld was being used as Order HQ and the woman was probably losing her mind in the after life. It was a nice feeling to have and he was sure that Sirius enjoyed it as well.

“I say we just burn the place down and find new headquarters,” Remus muttered before entering Orion’s office. “I don’t think Sirius would mind too much.”

“Agreed!” Tonks nodded, nearly tripping over the dusty area rug in the room. “Let’s get started.”

They went to work cleaning out the office. Remus tried to keep his mind on their work but his mind kept drifting to Sirius, as it did. Not that his mind was full of much else outside of Sirius, Harry, and Voldemort’s return lately. Some how, out of them all, Sirius was the easiest thing to have on his mind. At least the man was forced to stay in Grimmauld and wasn’t in danger, like Harry probably was. At least Sirius wasn’t going to kill him and everyone else, like Voldemort and the rest.

Sirius was depressed, Remus could see it in his eyes, the way that he held himself. He was drinking a bit too much, especially since returning to Grimmauld. When Sirius wasn’t trying to be amicable with Molly or sitting in on Order meetings where he always ended up arguing with someone (usually Regulus) Sirius was holed up with Buckbeak as well as Crookshanks or in his own room with a bottle of Firewhisky.

There were no instructions on what to do with your former boyfriend who you thought was a mass murderer that was suddenly back in your life and you were living not dealing well with their current situation. Remus knew all Sirius wanted to do was help Harry, but that was not happening because he was stuck inside his childhood home. There wasn’t anything Remus could do to help the situation. The most he could do was stay at Grimmauld with Sirius, especially after the Weasleys went back off to the Burrow.

“Mum wants to come visit to see Sirius,” Tonks said after she righted the vase she had dropped on the floor. She was a destructive Black but in a very different way from her bloodline. He wondered if the Tonks happened to be clumsy. Remus didn’t remember much of Ted during the one year they were at Hogwarts together. “I can’t tell her where we are though. She just knows that Sirius isn’t guilty and he’s hiding out.”

Remus frowned. He wondered if seeing Andi would do anything for Sirius. She was always his favorite cousin. They had a lot in common. When they were at Hogwarts together, ever so briefly, Remus remembered how Sirius looked up to her. After she left, he had gone to see her a few times with out his parents knowing. When Sirius ran away for good, he visited Andi, Ted, and Nymphadora frequently. There were a few times that Remus even went with him to the Tonks’ home for dinner after they got out of school.

Andromeda was brilliant, and Remus liked her a lot. Tonks, it seemed, inherited very little of her mother’s qualities. Andi was more regal, calm, and quiet. You could tell the woman had grown up in the aristocratic pureblood home. Tonks had no trace of that part of the bloodline. She got the rebellious streak it seemed. Remus thought it was funny seeing Dora now. He had met her has a little baby, now she was this full grown adult. It was weird, just as weird as seeing Harry now.

“Sirius would like that. If she’d join us then we could tell her where we are.” Remus explained quietly as he heard footsteps coming down the hallway.

“She won’t. She’s worried about me and dad. Hates the whole thing. Supports us, obviously but…” Dora shrugged.

Remus could understand where she was coming from. He wished he could not be involved again but there was no way he was going to sit back. This was his fight, and Harry was partly his responsibility.

The footsteps grew closer and then Bill appeared in the doorway. He was breathing heavily as he came into the room, closing the door behind him. “There was a dementor attack in Little Whinnging. Harry fought them off and the Ministry is trying to take his wand. Dad’s off to try to figure things out and Dumbledore too.” Bill spoke quickly as Remus tried to follow with a furrowed brow.

“Dementors — someone sent them…” He shook his head. The dementors were supposed to be under Ministry control. If they were then someone in the Ministry sent them out there to Harry.

Remus felt nauseous, “Where’s Sirius?” he asked. “Has anyone told—”

“DEMENTORS! YOU SAID HE WAS GOING TO BE SAFE!” Sirius’ voice rang out through the house, triggering Walburga’s shrieks and the rest of the portraits.

“That answers that, come on, let’s take care of the portraits,” Tonks said to Bill. “Remus, why don’t you go see Sirius? I’m sure he’d love to shout at a new person about this.”

Remus knew that was true, so he left Tonks and Bill to deal with Walburga. He found Sirius down in the kitchen with Molly, Kingsley, Marlene, and Dorcas. He looked furious as he paced the space in front of the long table.

“Remus!”

“I know, Bill told me,” He said in a quiet, even tone. “Where’s Harry now?”

“Still at that bloody house,” Sirius shook his head. “He needs to be here.”

“I’m sure he will be,” Remus hoped he would be. Sirius was going to go mad if Harry didn’t come along soon. Remus also wanted Harry to be in the house because at least he would know Harry was safe. At Hogwarts, he would be watched over as well.

Sirius stopped right tin front of him with wide, sad eyes. “If you didn’t teach him the patronus—”

“It’s nothing.”

“Remus, it saved him and that idiotic cousin of his. If you didn’t teach him then we would be having entirely different conversation.” If Harry had received the dementor’s kiss then he wasn’t sure if Sirius would be talking at all.

“Take some credit, Re,” Marlene said with a shake of her head.

“I’m going to make some tea,” Dorcas announced. “I feel like it’s needed right now.”

It was needed because they were in for a long night. More of the Order arrived. Moody, Dumbledore, and Arthur eventually all came back. There was a lot of talking and planning, and not enough action for Sirius or Remus’ liking. Remus knew they needed to have a solid plan to get Harry. At the same time, he thought he could just go rescue Harry himself.

“This is insanity.” Sirius said when they were the last two left awake in the kitchen. Everyone else had either gone home or went to their rooms.

“Which part?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“All of it,” Sirius scrubbed a hand over his face. “Every single thing in my life since… since probably right after we broke up.”

Not that they ever officially broke up. They just sort of fell apart under the weight of accusations and lies and half truths, all gently pushed around by Peter.

“I know.” Even when he was trying to live somewhat of a normal life, after he traveled around for years, it never felt normal. Everything was upside down. “We’ll get Harry here soon and we’ll figure it out from there.”

“I just wish that we — that you and me and Harry, that we could be okay and live somewhat of a normal life.”

“Me too,” Remus wanted to get out of his seat and wrap his arms around Sirius, but he just wrapped his hands around his cup instead.

***

Sirius understood why he couldn’t contact Harry, but that did not make things any better. He understood that he couldn’t give Harry too much information after hearing about the Dementor attack. What he didn’t understand was having to have a bloody meeting while the rest of the guard was retrieving Harry from the Dursley’s.

Watching Remus, Tonks, and Moody prepare to leave made something in his chest ache. He was looking forward to seeing Harry, but he wanted to go.

“Be safe,” Sirius said looking at Remus. He wished that he could kiss him good luck. “Please.”

“We will,” Tonks’ voice was just slightly too loud. Sirius was surprised at how loud and brash his cousin was. Ted and Andi were nothing like her. Then again, Sirius was nothing like his parents. He liked it though… even if he was positive that Nymphadora was flirting with Remus. Not that it mattered. He and Remus weren’t together.

Remus just gave him a quiet nod and the group left.

Sirius paced until he was summoned to the meeting. He almost thought about breaking the silencing charms so the kids could hear. Fred and George, at least, should have been able to hear all about what was happening. They were of age. Ron, Ginny, and Hermione weren’t daft and knew what was happening. But they weren’t his children and could decide either way for them. Though, he thought he should have some say with Harry.

The meeting mostly consisted of Regulus informing them all about what he knew in terms of Death Eater and Voldemort movements. Not that it was a lot, though his baby brother kept making remarks that made him feel like he was worthless. Reg was out there putting himself at risk and Sirius was stuck inside with Buckbeak. He kept his eye on the door, waiting for Remus and the rest to enter.

Sirius nearly jumped out of his seat when the members that went to retrieve Harry finally arrived. Remus had a smile on his face, so that meant things went well. Sirius moved so Remus could share his seat with him as there was no where else to sit. He knew his joints were probably a bit achey since the moon was only a few nights ago.

The werewolf sat down next to him without question or hesitance. Sirius wanted to wrap his arms around him, bury himself in his warmth. “He’s okay,” Remus said softly as Moody spoke up.

Sirius nodded. He barely listened the rest of the meeting, he only really wanted to see Harry. Their reunion was brought on by his mother’s bloody portrait screaming. He and Remus went out to take care of it.

It was nice to see Harry and to actually be able to speak with him. The worst part was Molly believing that only she had Harry’s best interest in mind. Yes, Sirius knew he didn’t have much to stand on in terms of knowing what was best for Harry, but he also believed that he deserved some sort of say. He was his godfather. Even Remus, Mr. Level Headed (or Pretend To Be Level Headed), agreed Harry deserved to know some of the truth.

Eventually the kids went off to bed, Dung went home, and he was left with the older Weasleys, Tonks, and Remus. Molly, Remus, and Tonks were taking care of the cleaning. Sirius listened to Arthur and Bill chat. He knew his anger towards Molly was probably a bit misplaced but he was angry that she seemed to think only she cared about Harry. It felt good with Remus stood up for him. He also felt something else in him when Remus told him to sit down but he didn’t want to go there.

“You should go to sleep,” Sirius said as Remus took a seat across from him. He looked bone tired. A long night on a mission combined with missions outside of this and the moon was too much. Remus needed to take care of himself.

“I’m fine, Sirius,” He took a sip from the steaming cup of tea he had in front of him.

“I’m going up to bed,” Molly said without looking to Sirius. “Goodnight.”

They all bid her goodnight and Remus sent him a look as if to say not to say anything else. Sirius bit his lip because he wasn’t planning on saying anything else. Outside of their row earlier, Sirius thought he had been pretty good about not blowing up at everyone about everything. He had all the right in the world to be angry. There was plenty of anger built up in him. Sure, it seeped out every so often but he was holding it together.

“Molly just,” Arthur began to speak and Remus cleared his throat.

“Arthur, I do not think we should go there right now.” He spoke briskly in the cool tone that he always put on in front of everyone else. Remus was never completely himself in front of people who weren’t him, Marlene, Dorcas, or before — the Marauders. Remus always kept parts of himself hidden, more so with people he didn’t consider his closet friends.

“Right, dad, I think mum can say what she was just doing.” Bill agreed. “I’m going to go.”

“Off to see Fleur?” Remus asked.

Bill flushed, “No, I’m going to my flat.”

Sirius wished he could leave and go to a flat close by. “Have a good night, Bill.”

The ginger nodded before leaving Grimmauld quietly. Arthur took his leave, and as usual it was only Sirius and Remus left awake.

“He looks happy to be here. I’m sure he’s anxious about his hearing.” Remus said, looking down at his nails.

Sirus agreed, “I would be too but the law is in his favor.”

Remus hummed, probably thinking of the ever changing and ever hardening of laws for ‘dark creatures’. At least Harry’s hearing was happening quickly and law couldn’t change so fast… right?

“I think I’ll head to bed as well.”

“You should have been sleeping ages ago.” Sirius complained.

“You always worry about me after the moon,” Remus shook his head as he stood up. “It’s been sometime since I had someone so concerned.”

Sirius felt himself flush.

“Good night, Sirius.”

He nodded and stayed in his seat.

Sometimes Sirius wondered if in another world he was happy and married to Remus. He hoped in that same world James and Lily were a live and well. He couldn’t spent too much time thinking about things like that because it was something that was never going to happen. Sirius had to struggle to get some semblance of happiness. He needed to figure out how to get rid of Voldemort.


End file.
